Thursday, 7 April 2011

I think my brain exploded today. Just thought you should know.

Question: Does anyone know what side effects someone can expect if their brain does explode? Because I'm pretty sure it happened to me but I can't be certain without an MRI and I stupidly left the hospital I work in without getting one.

Truth is I couldn't leave work fast enough today on account of the afore mentioned brain explosion so i really didn't think to stop and be sensible/overdramatic (depending on your opinion of the likelihood that this explosion actually happened).

Today I have cast aside my normal identity and transformed into the superhero 'Uber-Fast-And-Highly-Responsible/Incredibly-Stressed-Executive-Assistant-Lady' (or Ufahriseal for short).

This superhero identity may not be the most exciting of my many superhero personalities (Like Almost-Quite-Fast-Girl-Woman for example) but she does have many superhero traits and they are as follows.

1. She has the ability to snap at all who cross her path with anything that doesn't immediately relate to her task at hand.

2. She has the ability to hold down 7 cups of coffee at double dose in the morning alone.

3. She can often be found mumbling incoherent 'magical' words to herself which seems to make her anger double.

4. She has the ability to growl menacingly at inanimate objects, instilling the fear of God into them until they actually start to shake.

5. At heightened moments she is able to physically push her own stress out of her and insert it into the heart and souls of those around her.

6. She is a solitary hero, choosing to work alone. Her most iconic catchphrases are:

"There's so much to do."

Closely followed by

"No you can't help, I can do it myself."

Which is then followed shortly by

"Why the hell did I say that?"

7. She is a determined hero, refusing to stop until the work is done or she is dead.

8. Unfortunately Ufahriseal can only exist for a maximum of 7 hours at a time. Any longer and the following side effects can occur:

- Spontaneous crying (an action that she will promptly scold herself for as a sign of being weak)

- The urge to lie down in the fetal position until the bad 'To do' list goes away.

- The inability to make any sounds that can be formed into real words.

- Brain explosion.

I became Ufahriseal for 8 hours today. Just five minutes ago something squsihy fell out of my ear and now I can't remember a single thing that happened in my 9th year of life.

Stupid Ufahriseal. You're my least favourite of my personalities.

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