Thursday, 28 April 2011

If I wanted to pay to have stupid little things flying out at me I'd hire a darts player to throw things at my head.

Today's blog will be in the form of a rant.

Shock I know, as I do try to keep these things as up beat and chipper as I can but this is something that has been burning inside me for quite a while now and if I don't let it out I think I may spontaneously combust. Something that will certainly not help the house I am currently trying to spring clean. (And I'm doing it in the spring... awesome! Hadn't thought of that!)

Today I woke up and being the uber cool person that I am, I checked my twitter immediately. Whilst stalking my various celebrities and other far more successful bloggers, Simon Pegg brought to my attention that there is now a new Harry Potter trailer out.

Eager and with a gusto I have not quite experienced in the whole week I have been off work, I ran to my computer and turned it on. Hoping and praying that what he had to say was true, because if it was... A-MA-ZING.

Sure enough, spread across the top of the page for everyone to see was the beautiful link to the new HP trailer. Eager I clicked on it and man, watching it was awesome. For those of you who haven't seen it, check it out here.

There was something else that Mr Pegg had alluded to in his tweet about this trailer however that hurt my feelings and I had hoped wasn't true. However, after watching the trailer it was confirmed and, upon seeing this one small confirmation, my minor irritation turned into the need for a full blown rant. Ladies and Gents, it is with a heavy heart I tell you that the HP makers have gone over to the dark side and decided to turn the movie into a *shudders and gags a little* 3D experience.

Why HP? WHY???????

You were doing so good with the last movie, staying so true to the book you made me almost cry with the beauty of it. And even the main three actors were acting decently. The whole film was a joy to behold as it finally was everything I had wanted out of a HP film.

From this I was brought into a false sense of security, assuming that by getting it right finally, the second part would have to be as good. You were making all the right decision HP makers, you were FINALLY DOING IT RIGHT!!!! So why did you have to ruin it now???

Why does everyone who is making a film that has the tiniest bit of action involved insist on suddenly making the whole experience jump out at you from the screen?

I mean it's not even like it's a better experience, you have to buy these stupid black glasses that start to fall down your nose half way through the 'experience.' If you wear glasses it automatically makes things awkward as you then have to maneuver the two glasses together to get maximum effect.

Plus after a while you even forget that the thing is in 3D as it just begins to merge into the story so what's the point film-makers?? WHAT'S THE POINT??

All that being said, the absolutely worst thing about the whole thing, the one little snippet that makes me want to rip my eyes out of their sockets, throw them at the screen and scream "Here have my eyesight, it's better than subjecting me to this!" They charge you extra for going to see it.

Yes, given that this is my least favourite thing about the cinema world at the moment, given that it actually makes me want to cry at the injustice of it. I would actually argue that they should at least be paying me for the privilege of watching their sub-par sorry excuse for a film.

But no, they wear the 3D experience badge with pride and tell me that I should be happy to sit through the uncomfortable experience of seeing a film ruined by some money hungry people who insist on adding tricks and whistles to a film that might have been good if they had just left it alone.

Now they do create a few 2D viewings as well, but here's what I have discovered about these viewings. They are either:

A. At a stupid time in the early afternoon when you are working and couldn't possibly make it.

B. If they do have a time that is available to you, you have to book like three days in advance because all the tickets are sold out otherwise.

Film Makers of the world, doesn't this tell you that the majority of your viewers really don't want to be subject to the whole thing? People don't want to go to a film that demands it's own accessories. People don't particularly care if a blue alien creature can reach out of the screen and actually touch you. And most of all, in this current climate especially, people do NOT want to have to pay £15 to see something that decades of film have proved works just as well, if not better, in 2D.

So please listen to my plea, understand that it comes from a place of love. I am a film LOVER. I average my viewings at the cinema at around three times a week, I love what you do. But this 3D fad has to stop. Just stop it. Kill it. Realise that it was fun for a while but now... no one really cares. It's time to stop your silly shenanigans and get back to what film making is all about, telling a story and doing it in style.

Thanks for listening.

No comments:

Post a Comment