Monday, 1 August 2011

Some more One-And-Only antics.

In order to fully comprehend the context in which I found myself with One-And-Only-Daniela this weekend I need to explain what she's like when she gets her hands on a camera. 

You know those facebook and myspace pictures you would see on peoples profiles where the camera is posed slightly above them and they're pouting or biting their bottom lip etc? I'm not going to sit here and make fun of people who make those poses because I'm pretty sure there aren't many people who exist in this world who haven't at least tried the pose. What I am going to say however is that if anyone is an expert at this pose, it would be  One-And-Only-Daniela. 

To explain, she was round my house once and I went out the room to pour us a drink. I was gone out for a maximum of 2 minutes. On my way back into the room I see her throw my camera on the settee and stare at the TV with a really guilty face. Filled with suspicion I picked the camera up and (no word of a lie) there were 34 pictures she had just taken of herself on my camera in that short time (I mean it because this is where people think I exaggerate but I totally counted and it is completely true).

With that in mind you can imagine what I was readying myself for from her when she text me earlier last week asking if I had a park near where I lived because she had just bought a £400 SLR camera and she wanted to play with it. Let me tell you, the girl didn't disappoint. 

So with this in mind, I met with One-And-Only-Daniela after work on Friday and discussed the photo-filled plans we had for the weekend. 

One-And-Only-Daniela has been shortened to OAOD. 

OAOD: What I really need is a park with trees in it. I think that would look really good. 
Me: Well we have this manor house nearby with it's own massive grounds containing woods, is that good enough?
OAOD: It sounds okay but does it have trees?
Me: ... You're kidding right?
OAOD: What?
Me: What do you think are in woods Daniela?
OAOD: ... Oh yeah. 

We head out for photo fun on Sunday afternoon in the end. Daniela was in her element.

We chose a park in the end that also had a wood type area. When we found the wood area we stayed there for a good couple of hours. It was really pretty. 

One-And-Only-Daniela thought so too. 

OAOD: It's a really peaceful place out here.
Me: Hmmmm, I concur. 
OAOD: (Stops and thinks for a moment) It's a good place for hiding bodies. 
Me: (Practically wet myself laughing)
OAOD: I have one body in mind. 
Me: Oh, that stopped being funny really quickly. (pauses) It's not me is it?
OAOD: (Sighs) No.
Me: Good. 

After an afternoon of around 300 photos, four dubious climbs for balletic moves in trees, eight 'jumping in the air' shots and one change of clothes, I checked my watch and announced three hours had passed so it was probably time to eat. 

One-And-Only-Daniela initially agreed and started to pack away her bag. She soon stopped as she screamed and picked up a little red bottle.
OAOD: Oh my days I almost forgot!
Me: What?
OAOD: We've got to do the ad photos!
Me: The what now?
OAOD: I brought perfume with me, we need to pose with it as if we were  on a billboard ad. 
Me: Um Daniela, did you bring the perfume with you for this sole purpose?
OAOD: (Turns away from me sheepishly and mutters in a small, yet not really convincing voice) No. 

In short we did photo ads. Here are hers:

And here are mine: 

Britain's next top model, eat your heart out.

I know I mentioned there would be developments on the rumligion ideas and there are but I feel this blog has gone on for long enough. Stay tuned tomorrow to find out One-And-Only-Daniela's further thoughts on the matter. 

Peace out my lovelies.


  1. Two things about this post:
    1) I love that the OAOD immediately thinks of stashing bodies when describing something as "peaceful". Something isn't quite right there.
    2) The last picture of you compels me to buy that perfume. I think you have a real shot there.

  2. You're right, it is a bit dodgy... even more so when you're the only one in the woods when she says it. For a brief moment I genuinely feared for my life.

    Thanks for the model feedback. I'm going to sign myself to an agency now and use these as my portfolio. What modelling company wouldn't want me?