Thursday 25 August 2011

What is this fascination with playing with your bones? Enough already people, it cannot be good for you!

There is a habit that I am unbelievably disgusted with. So much so that when it happens around me I physically want to gag every time.

This, I feel, means that the habit must be particularly bad as I have a very low threshold on what I deem as gross. Eg: when dropping food on the floor, there is no five second rule... there is a 'however many seconds until you notice that you've dropped it' rule. This allows more flexibility in when the food gains germs because you might really want the food but don't notice it's on the floor for twenty seconds. That's fine because then the rule is automatically turned into the 'twenty second rule,' that way you get to enjoy the beautiful piece of food and not have to suffer from germs because the rule says so.

There are many more but I think I've made my point. I am not exactly a classy chick... of course by my standards I reckon I'm full of class but if you measure it against people who actually use the logical definition of class then I guess I just fall outside of the circle.

All that being said there is one thing that makes me wants to rip my skin off and gouge out my ears. One noise that makes my entire insides cave into each other and shout "for the love of all that is good in this world... stop slowly torturing yourself!" This one thing is the highly annoying and (unfortunately) highly popular act of cracking ones bones.

Why??? People WHY??????????? It's the most annoying sound. It is the sound of your bones screaming! It's also the sound that makes my face look like this.

Guys, this is not a pretty face.

I have just had to sit in the car and listen to Work-Buddy-James go to town on his knuckles. When I told him to behave and stop hurting himself he just went on to say that it didn't hurt and I was just being picky. He also thought that this direct request of asking him to stop was actually me saying "ooh what a fun noise you are making James, won't you please show me every single bone in your body that you are able to crack, because I really cannot get enough of that sound."

This in itself was annoying, but it was particularly annoying today seeing that I had spent the entire weekend with One-And-Only-Daniela and that girl takes the cake when it comes to this habit. I mean she cracks bones that I am sure shouldn't crack.

She has a system, the different bones in her fingers, then her neck - once to the left and the next to the right, then she does her jaw - left then right, it is then that she moves to the lower regions, cracking her lower spine, her mid spine, asking me to pull on her arms and legs so that she can get all of those done as well.

Now usually I would refuse to partake in such a disgusting habit but unfortunately she then plays the "but my bones hurt Lisa and if I don't do this then I might die from the pain!" Yes she can be a little melodramatic at times but I'll leave that fun little quirk for another post.

This routine she does about every half hour so I have had to be subject this skin crawling habit all weekend and now today as well???? No, I will not have this anymore. People of the world who feel it is a good thing to crack your bones!! I have just two things to say to you.

1. When I tell you that I hate the noise, this is not an invitation for you to do it more frequently and closer to my face.

2. I don't care what the poeple like Work-Buddy-James says, there is no way that cracking your bones that often won't result in arthritis of some kind. I am telling you this now to save yourselves from horrific pain in your later years. I am also saying it now because I will not be the one carting you about when your bones give out. No I will be the one pointing at you with a grin that will make you want to punch it off my face and the most annoying but self satisfying words on this planet leaving my lips. "I Told You So." This will not be pleasant for anyone involved... apart from me who might enjoy it a little bit on account of getting cheap thrills from being right.

Okay I've had my rant.

Peace out my lovelies.

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