Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Well that is one person I wasn't aware hated me so much.

I had a dream last night. At least I'm hoping it's a dream. 

You see what happened was for some reason, beyond anything I can explain, Simon Pegg decided to hold a vendetta against me. 

He kidnapped me in the middle of the night and took me down to this secret underground lair. In this lair there were two boats, each able to fit about twenty people. 

He sat me down and gave some massive evil villain type speech about how he was going to make me pay for something or other. I really can't remember what it was I had supposedly done but I know by this point I was pretty much scared out of my wits. 

Next he started filing out people. Not just random strangers, no, every one of these people were friends of mine. He lined them up and explained that one of the boats had an explosive attached to it. He then proceeded to pick each one individually and send them to either boat one or boat two. 

Once all my friends were on the boats, he set off the bomb. Half of my friends were killed... Bummer I know. 

Alas it didn't stop there!! He then picked three guys from the surviving boat and asked me to pick one of them to survive. After an excruciating decision process I picked and he shot the other two!! 

Now my friends who took part in this dream especially might want to know the decision I made but I refuse to disclose this information, I feel far too guilty that my subconscious had to make such a decision. 

Anywho, I was promptly woken from this dream by hearing neighbours of mine outside my house having a fight. I think one of them was leaving the other but I was a little too knackered to fully follow it as it was three in the morning. 

It was only after I tweeted all this information in one of my rare but fun tweet marathons that I began to doubt my own information. I was all too aware that I hadn't spoken to any of the people who had been in the 'dream' today. What if the couples argument had been the dream and the Simon Pegg mass murder had been the reality?

It was no good, by this point the seed had been set in my head and I simply had to investigate to ensure I still had all of my friends intact. 

First I rang The-Awesome-Alice as for some reason I remember her the most in being in the boat that survived. However she didn't answer her phone. 

Slightly startled by this lack of verification I left her a message asking her to clarify her whereabouts last night and to confirm that she hadn't in fact just narrowly escaped death at the hands of one of the 'Shaun of the Dead' stars. I have yet to hear back from her regarding this... This does not fill me with confidence. 

Not receiving the reassurance I was so desperately searching for from The-Awesome-Alice, I quickly sent out a mass text to Claire-And-Rachael-The-Bullies, Jo-Jo, Rich-Whom-I-Love, and One-And-Only-Daniela with the following:

"Quick question, Are you alive?"

So far I have had the following from Claire-The-Bully: 

CTB: No!!
Me: Ah crap. Now I'm going to have to report Simon Pegg to the police...
CTB: ???

(I might need to explain myself a little there)

And this from Jo-Jo (who quite obviously reads my tweets):

Jo-Jo: LOL, well Simon Pegg hasn't popped round with a machete yet...
Me: Oh good. Alright. Well in actual fact he was shoving you into a boat and blowing it up. Not nice. So it was a dream... unless you made it out alive and the memory was so excruciating that your brain has blocked it.
Jo-Jo: This is always a possibility... although after a quick reckie I have determined that none of my clothes are wet... and as I'm not brave enough to run around in public au naturelle...

And finally what maybe my favourite because I love to wind her up - One-And-Only-Daniela:

OAOD: Lol yep I am. Why wouldn't I be?
Me: Oh thank goodness. Wait. Can you remember where you were last night at 2am?
OAOD: Huh? I was in my bed sleeping lol
Me: Damn it. You can't know for sure then. You may have been in the boat that survived.
OAOD: Lol what boat? Why would I have been out that late on a week day?
Me: Why would Simon Pegg want to kill you? Life is full of mysteries!
OAOD: Who is Simon Pegg and how did he kill me?
Me: If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you. I just would have assumed you'd have been a bit more observant on a night such as last night. I mean, how heartless can you get?
OAOD: I'm so confused.

I'm a little concerned that no one else has responded as I really can't remember whether they were on the surviving boat or not!!  

If everyone who has ever known me could just get in touch with a quick message to say "I'm not dead" I'd really appreciate it. 

And this is how I have occupied my day today. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

1 comment:

  1. I have no idea who Simon Pegg is, but I sure am glad that 2am your time is daytime here. Safety first, people.