Monday, 15 August 2011

Because I am the queen of exercise I even do it when I'm socialising. Or I only do it while I'm socialising. I never remember which one it is.

So in case you hadn't realised from my last post I was out with friends on Friday. It was a fairly eventful night of wine, music, too much food to even know what to do with, and a sudden need to exercise on my part as I saw The-Host-Becky's exercise bike tucked away in the corner of her living room. 

I had had just enough of the vino on Friday to see that exercise bike and think to myself, "I could probably ride that thing for about an hour if I wanted to."

Unfortunately for me I happened to voice this thought out loud which was met by some rather enthusiastic challenges from my other friends that I should try it out. 

Of course I was so intent that I was the exercise guru who would be able to do it without breaking a sweat, so I jumped up with full excitement and fervour and set up the bike ready for my ride. 

"Wait!" I called out as I put my feet in the pedals. "How will I know how long I've been going for?"

"We'll time it for you on the Sky+ box," Jo-Jo suggested. 

"I'm on it," Rich-Whom-I-Love declared, pressing a button on the remote and clocking the time on the screen. "Your hour starts... Now."

I didn't start to pedal. I had begun to doubt my own mad skills. 

"I don't know about this guys. I might not be able to do a whole hour."

"Well how about ten minutes?" Jo-Jo suggested. 

I grinned at that. "Easy, it's a deal."

Rich-Whom-I-Love seemed pretty put out by this arrangement. With not as much excitement as before, he clocked the new time on the TV screen. 

"Go." He sighed. 

I started to pedal. I started to pedal fast. I didn't believe in pacing myself, I was the fastest bike rider in the world, I ruled in all things related to this exercise bike. 

After goodness knows when, I started to realise my hair was matted to the back of my neck. 

"I need a hairband!" I cried out, with as much desperation as you might expect someone asking for a transplant. 

The-Host-Becky jumped up then, determined to be known in all our memories as the best host in the world. "I'll see what I can find!"

She rummaged around in her table drawers and pulled out a small child's clip. 

"I have this!"

Whilst still peddling for all my might with my bottom half, I focus all my attention on keeping my top half still as I throw her the darkest look I could muster. 

"Do you think I'm bald or something?"

The-Host-Becky's face faltered and she went back to rummaging through the drawers.

"Rich, how am I doing?" I asked. 

"You're doing awesome, just three more minutes to go." He replied. 

I kept peddling as if my life depended on it, ringing my hair out of all the sweat accumulating. 

"I found three more hair clips!" She cried out and thrust all three children's clips into my hand. 

Focusing all my energy on peddling through the pain formulating at my legs a threw her another look of despair. 

"What part of 'hair band' do you not understand?"

Realising that she was very close to feeling my sweat filled wrath, The-Host-Becky hopped up stairs and emerged a minute later with a hairband. 

I thankfully took it from her and tied my now soaking wet hair back. It was only after peddling for another few minutes with my new hairstyle that I began to become a little suspicious of just how long I had been on the bike. 

"Hey Rich?"

"Yes Lisa."

"How long has it been now?"

"You've got about three minutes left."

I looked at him, my suspicions rising. "Didn't you say that three minutes ago?"

Rich-Whom-I-Love looked at me innocently. "Of course I didn't Lisa, I wouldn't lie to you."

Believing him whole heartedly as he was the one 'whom I love' I continued to peddle. 

When it felt like three more minutes were up I turned to him again. 

"Why haven't you called time up?" 

"Because you have a few more minutes to go."

This was when I decided to trust my instincts and I asked him to show the time on the TV. Twenty minutes had gone by...

I wanted to be annoyed at him but I couldn't help spending the whole time congratulating myself for my awesome workout. 

My legs didn't hurt the next day surprisingly. My bum was bruised though...

Peace out my lovelies. 


  1. Two thoughts--

    1. Lying about the time: That is just mean.
    2. Maybe I should drink wine and exercise.

  2. I find that drinking wine helps with most activities. Cleaning the house, exercising, coming up with genius ideas, making awesome sculptures, giving you a feeling of being able to do anything you want without any consequence... Actually that last one's come back to bite me more than once.