Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Geese... a little tale.

So I have been trying my little hardest to do one of those video things that I hear so much about on Youtube. I have this idea you see, and in my head it's freaking hilarious and completely awesome. However when I try and implement this absolutely fabtabulous idea something goes awry and I just end up looking at myself so much through my little editing programme that I start to hate myself and spiral into a downwards self loathing spiral that eats away at me from the inside...

So I decided that maybe those feelings weren't good feelings and instead I should come onto this wonderful little blog and write to you wonderful people in an exercise that doesn't make me want to claw my own eyes out. I'm sure you'll agree that this is a good choice to make.

There is a thought in my little plum-filled mind that I had the other day and I wanted to ask for your expert opinion on any insight into it. My thought concentrated completely on Geese.

Geese have always been these loud, very intimidating birds to me that used to wake me up at six in the morning when I lived with my friend Rachael. As such, I never gave them much thought other than how much I would like to come into their homes at three in the morning and scream at them until they woke up. Then maybe they would now what it feels like (This was something I never did but did dream about often).

Anywho, now that two and half years has past since I lived in that house, I found myself walking with Rachael back to her house from the pub on Saturday evening and actually looking at the Geese whilst experiencing a feeling other than disdain. In fact, as I stared, a burning curiosity started to take control. Both Rachael and I watched these birds take off into the air and fly together in their perfect V formation.

"Hey Rachael?" I asked.

"Yes Lisa."

"What makes the Geese fly in a V like that?"

Rachael took a second to look up at the birds as they flew overhead and thought for a moment.

"I have absolutely no idea."


I let it go for a couple of minutes until more questions piled on top of the burning curiosity.

"Hey Rachael?"

"Yes Lisa."

"Who gets to pick to be in front?"

Rachael who by now had clearly moved onto other things in her mind looked at me confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"Out of the nine birds that are currently flying in the V, who gets to pick to be in front?" I explained. "And for that matter, who then decides they're going to fly second and third? And most importantly, how do they share this news with each other?"

Rachael had thrown me a bewildered look at this point that told me I had clearly put too much thought into this, but I simply stared back at her with mild curiosity, waiting for her response.

When it was clear to her that I wasn't going to let it go without her answer she said. "I don't know."

By this point my thought process had taken on a life of it's own and the questions continued to roll.

"Do you suppose when they're squawking at each other they're actually speaking a language we don't understand or do you think they're just making noise?"

Before Rachael could even open her mouth to answer, I had continued. Clearly now having this conversation more with myself rather than anyone else. Rachael was pretty used to me when I got like this so simply walked along and let me carry on until I would inevitably run out of steam.

"I think I'd always thought that they were just making noise but now that I look at the V formation I'm going to have to rethink my whole outlook on it. I mean there has to be some form of communication involved in order for them to know where to go."

Excitement filled my eyes as a new idea came to me.

"Ooh, ooh! Maybe they're telepathic! Maybe they can read each others mind and that's how they know where to go!" My face had fallen as this idea had just opened up whole new series of questions. "But then does that mean that Geese are technically a superior and cleverer race than we are because they are able to use a part of their brain that we can't?"

All blood left my face as the next question dawned on me. "Can they read our minds?"

I looked over at Rachael, my eyes wide and once again expecting an answer. It took her a while to realise this and I'm not too sure if she had even been listening to any of it anyway, but whatever the case she had heard the last question because, after a few moments, she answered me.

"I don't think Geese can read minds Lisa."

"But how do you know?"

"I don't."

We had fallen quiet again after this. Once we reached Rachael's front door though, she turned to me.

"You're going to blog about this aren't you?"

I let out a small impish grin and she rolled her eyes.

"It's the pork blog all over again." She said. "We have one stupid small conversation in between loads of massive, more interesting conversations and for some reason you choose to make a whole post out of it."


I fail to see what's more important than me learning how close I was to dying because I had wanted to cook some meat.

And as for the Geese? If anyone can tell me how they manage to be so organised, you'd really be taking a huge weight of confusion off my shoulders.

Ta muchly.


  1. I know the answer to why they fly in a V-formation... It's to do with slipstreaming. The lead bird at the tip of the V has to work hardest, but the other birds just fly slightly behind, riding in the slipstream the lead bird creates. As the lead bird becomes more tired, it moves back in the formation where the going is easier and it can slipstream behind the others. Another bird then takes over the lead. Someone intensely clever has worked out they can fly as a group much efficiently like this. Apparently.

    As for who decides who goes first? I expect it's just a bloody big goose argument. I expect that's why they're always honking at each other.

  2. So there's still room for the possibility of geese being able to read minds then?

    I think, just to be on the safe side, I'm going to think really nice thoughts about geese whenever I'm near them... you know, just in case.

  3. (sigh)

    Yes. Geese can read the minds of humans.