Tuesday, 14 June 2011

It really annoys me when you insist on ruining my day.

Dear Pollen,

Why have you got to be so mean? I don't recall ever doing anything to you to warrant this level of bullying. In fact if you only stopped all this 'making me sneeze' business, I think we'd get along. 

But you won't. No, instead you hound me every time I leave the house. You leave that itchy and oh so irritable feeling in my nostrils that causes me to sniff constantly, even when I've only just been through an extensive nose blowing exercise. 

What's more, that little tickle stays there and threatens to make me sneeze... Only sometimes the sneeze won't come and instead I'm left burning my eyes as I stare at the sun and hold my mouth open whilst sporting one of my less attractive looks in a desperate attempt to bring the sneeze out. 

Pollen, this look is all fine and dandy in the safety of my own home, but when I'm on a bus with 50 other people I just look ridiculous. 

Usually I grin and bare the whole ordeal as I know I am powerless to stop you but I'm not enjoying my current experience and I fear now you have crossed the line. 

You see, ten minutes ago I fell into a sneezing frenzy of 7 in a row (I was quite impressed although my record is 18 - that was a weird experience). 

These 7 sneezes weren't even the satisfying kind as I was getting on a train and so had to keep my mouth shut in order to prevent from spraying everywhere. 

All of this, although inconvenient, didn't compare to the horror of what you subjected me to next. 

I reached into my bag to retrieve a tissue and regain control of the whole situation but realised, at that moment, I had run out of tissues. NO TISSUES!!

I'm stuck on public transport for the next hour and if I sniff one more time I swear someone is going to punch me in the face for being so gross. 

Pollen, you are completely out of order. Why are you so toxic to the world? We are all creations of this earth, can't we just get along?

I'm giving you this one chance Pollen. Either you clear up my nose  or I'm going to kick you in the nuts. The only other option open to me is to wipe my nose on the business man's shirt next to me and I REFUSE to do that again. It did not end well the last time. 

Yours lovingly

Lisa xx

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