Monday, 24 October 2011

Seriously immune system... You suck.

I'm sick. Again. I know. This is something that happens all the time. I'm beginning to lose patience with the scientists I have working on my immune system transplant. I'm going to have to insist on punishing them if they continue to slack in this way. 

The problem is I don't just the get the occasional cold. No, when I get a cold my body goes all out: sensitive skin, shivers followed by sweats. Closed up throat that causes me to want to be sick every time I swallow. Oh, and in the case of today, the ability to almost fall asleep in a persons office whilst waiting for them. Yeah, that was the point today where I decided I should probably go home. 

My reason for getting this cold? I cleaned my house. I know how ridiculous it sounds but here were the series of events that led to my current state:

Saturday morning I woke up bright and cheerful... Well as bright and cheerful as my 'non-morning-person' self can be. I crashed out on the sofa and caught up on my sky+ box recordings and inwardly praised myself for getting into so many tv shows all at once. 

The important thing is, I felt fine. I was happy and content. 

However, at half one I realised that I have exactly 2 hours until people were going to be turning up at my flat to look at renting it. I then did something I had been avoiding to do for the whole year I had been there. I cleaned. I cleaned like I had never cleaned before. I spent two hours throwing stuff away, bleaching surfaces, scrubbing dishes and chucking clothes into drawers. 

However, about an hour into the whole thing I started to sneeze. Assuming it was just the dust I continued. I then sneezed a few more times. 

Once I had finished I had noticed that the phantom space where my tonsils used to be three years ago before I had them removed, had started to swell. 

I took a huge gulp (and immediately regretted it as it had hurt like a bitch) and realised what this meant. One thing that I have notice since I viciously ripped my tonsils from throat is that two days before I have a heavy cold the ghost of my tonsil comes back to my throat and swells up. It is an omen that I have some inconvenient and highly medicated days ahead. 

And sure enough, the next day I spent sneezing and today? Well let's just say that if I were a man then I would assume I was dying right now.

This was summed up by the following conversation between myself and Work-Buddy-James. 

Work-Buddy-James has been shortened to WBJ

Me: I'm going to go home soon. I think I've got man-flu. 
WBJ: What??? Really?? What the hell are you doing at work if you have man flu??
Me: I thought I could handle it. 
WBJ: Handle it?? Lisa! No one can handle man flu. It's simply the worse thing that you can get... You have called for an ambulance right?  
Me: No not yet, why? Do you think I need to?
WBJ: The fact that you're even asking that question just shows how delirious you've become. (Pause) How did you even catch man flu anyway? You're not even a man. 
Me: ... there's a chance that it might just be a heavy cold. 
WBJ: It's hypochondriacs like yourself who detract from the need of those truly sick. I hope you're ashamed of yourself. 

I have given up convincing myself that I am fine finally and am now on my way home from work, longing for the moment when I get curl under my duvet and spend the rest of the evening feeling sorry for myself. 

Guys, if this isn't proof that I can't to housework due to being highly allergic to it I don't know what is. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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