Monday, 4 July 2011

And it turns out... I'm alive! Huzzah!!

Wow, that has to be the longest break I've taken between these posts. Sorry about that. Since Thursday night however I have found my social calendar fully booked. This is, in large part, because of this man. 

This man is called Alwyn and in a complete moment of selfishness he has decided to kidnap his wife Lucy and emigrate to Australia...


What a pigeon.

Problem is there are a lot of people who are kind of pissed that he is doing this because he's pretty awesome  and shouldn't be taking his awesomeness out the country... He could have at least waited until we had done the Olympics. 

But noooo, he doesn't care about making this country look good. Instead he would rather sod off to the other side of the world and make their country better. I mean come on! Don't they have enough? They already have Chris Lilly and Kylie Minogue. Taking Alwyn and Lucy as well is just greedy. 

So Thursday, Friday and part of Saturday has been summed up in champagne, posing for cameras, and singing them off (whilst also bitching about them for abandoning us).

And because I'm emotionally stunted I have been on top form with my sarcastic remarks and witty insults, which I'm sure he has interpreted as "Yeah, I'll miss you man." Because who wouldn't get that from: 

"Why are you still here?"

"Alwyn, it's 6:30pm. I've been stuck in the house all day, where the crap is my food?"

And of course

Me: Alwyn, fancy a drink?
Alwyn: Yeah, you got money?
Me: (Pulls out a twenty) Yeah, I'm set. 
Alwyn: Isn't that the twenty I gave you earlier?
Me: ... You're welcome. 

Because the man is in popular demand, one party wouldn't do.  No, he's having 5. The first two were last week and then there's another this Friday - I'm working on actually showing emotion for this one... Yeah, I know. I don't see it happening either. 

Tomorrow I'll tell you all about my Saturday! Yes my sudden social life us creeping me out too. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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