Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Important rules to abide by when eating friends.

This might be my last post this week as tonight I'm heading off to Oldest-Friend-Cafrin and The-Goddaughter's house. 

My reasons for this? Tomorrow night Oldest-Friend-Cafrin and I are going to the Twi-marathon with the latest movie starting at five minutes past midnight. Yes. I am geeking out like a pubescent ridden teenager and I am completely okay with that. 
As such I shall probably exist internetually for the next four days only on twitter. This I do not mind at the mo because if I'm perfectly honest, I am well and truly loving twitter at the moment. 

I think I've probably had some of my favourite internetual conversations in the last couple of weeks over twitter. One of my personal favs however was over the weekend. 

Saturday morning I started a discussion with lgalaviz on the importance of abiding by rules when eating your friends. The rules are few but important. First off you should prioritise your options for consumption. 

As this card (given to me by the lovely Jo-Jo) states, if you feel the need to eat your friends then you must always forfeit that need and eat cake instead. This allows for longer friendships and fewer chances of getting indigestion. 

However there are the occasions when you have a hankering for some friend meat and there is no cake in the house. Lgalaviz experienced this predicament on Saturday. 

This, people, is a tricky situation to find yourself in. You see without cake the rules are suddenly thrown wide open and as such friend eating will become a valid option...

I know what you're thinking, the moral implications of this option are too many to count. I mean, a real life person is really big... Bigger than a turkey and those things stay around after Christmas for weeks! As such it is really important that you do not become too greedy. Limit yourself to one friend a day only. If you don't then you will find yourself too full for dinner and whoever is cooking your meal for you is going to be mega pissed. To put them in that situation is just not fair... As such the main rule from this we can take is:

When eating your friends, be mindful of other's feelings. They may have plans for dinner too.

By sticking to this rule lgalaviz was able to enjoy her food and not make herself sick for the rest of the night. 

Heinakroon then raised the issue that friends for food could be high in cholesterol. There is no reason to risk giving yourself a heart attack for a brief couple of hours of good food (yes I eat that slowly, I like to chew).

As such it was suggested we bring sparkerpants into the conversation who, apart from anything, just seemed to be happy to be involved, even though it took her a while to fully comprehend what the topic of conversation was. 

She suggested that a simple blood test might cancel any chance of eating someone high in cholesterol. This, I thought, was a genius idea as it has the bonus feature of stopping anyone getting any meat diseases. I was completely for this until heinakroon pointed out to me that by testing the friends meat first, you are essentially preventing zombies from being created. This simply would not do. 

That being said, I don't know if she knows this but I have a good feeling about Saturday. I think lgalaviz's morning snack might have made her the destined Patient Zero... I don't know anything as of yet but I have my fingers crossed for you lgalaviz!

So all in all, it was decided that the only real two rules you need to abide by are "Don't eat friends when there is cake" and "Only eat one friend a day so as not to piss off your significant other."

You can choose to make your food take a blood test if you want but if you don't mind causing bad blood pressure, heart attacks or the zombie apocalypse then I wouldn't bother. It just isn't worth it. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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