Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Apocalypse versus getting a year older... Which one will win?

It is my birthday on Saturday! Huzzah, I shall be turning another year older. That's 26 for those who don't know. 

I've been reluctant to get my hopes up too much about celebrations for this however given that it falls the day after the latest apocalypse but on the off chance that we don't all disappear into a world with no clothes I decided today to make temporary arrangements!

Thinking about it, I should probably have celebrated it last weekend just in case but I guess even I hold a level of pessimism about whether or not we will in fact take the plunge. 

I know what you may be thinking... If you've made preparations for your birthday then what was the point in everything you have done in anticipation for Friday? And in answer to your queries I initially agreed with you and then spent the afternoon feeding in logic to preparing for both. 

The logic I came up with? I'm preparing myself for every eventuality because I'm that organised. Yes I have once again managed to justify my logic in such a way that has me looking like I'm a winner. 

You see, even though I am convinced that this Friday will be different to other end of world dates, it would mighty small minded of me to just assume it will happen for definite. As such I am also making alternate plans. 

Also... It's my birthday, and I like birthdays. They're fun and remind me that I'm getting closer to being that older woman who can talk and sing to herself whilst sitting at a bus stop and people allow me because they think "bless her she's just senile." 

This part of my life is going to be my finest point. I have soooo many plans about what kind of crap I will be able to get away with due to my advanced age. Here are a few I have dreamt of:

1: I get to dye my hair light pink or purple and it is deemed as stylish. 

2: I get to wear a hairnet to bed even though I have no clue what purpose they are for. 

3: I get to overly criticise the youths of the day and tut loudly, muttering words like "disgraceful" and "far too slutty for my liking," knowing full well they can hear me. 

4: I once was sitting in McDonalds with Older-Brother-Glyn and we watched an old lady dance around the floor shouting at people and singing and no one batted an eyelid because apparently she had lived enough years of her life to qualify that kind of behaviour. Both Older-Brother-Glyn and I envied her for that and imagined fondly of a time when we too will earn such a privilege. 

5: I get to have one of those shopping bags on wheels that I can shuffle behind as slowly as I like no matter how busy the high street may be. 

6: I would very much like a cane that I can use to poke people with when they get in my way. 

7: I get to have an electric buggy which is like my own personalised car that I can drive on the pavement.

8: I can get away with forgetting anything I don't really want to remember like days out with people I don't like or commitments that I don't really want to carry through. 

9: I really want one of those horns people use to stick in their ears to help them hear better... I appreciate that nowadays people just use hearing aids but when they tell me that I'll just tell them to hush and respect their elders. 

10: I will never have to stand up on public transport again. People will always give me a seat. 

So yes, the apocalypse may happen... But if it doesn't and I'm fortunate to reach that age... Man, I am going to enjoy the hell out of it. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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