Sunday, 18 March 2012

For Marmie.

I want to tell you all about this amazing person in my life. A woman that I truly adore and look up to and try to model my life around in every turn I make. That woman is my mother.

(She's the one that is female and not me)

My mum is one of those people who will always put the needs of others before her own. She works really hard at providing a loving and nurturing relationship with everyone who knows her and she is absolutely amazing at it.

Growing up, she was the perfect role model to have, always caring, always conscientious of others feelings and always always open with how much she loves us. I think it's only once you're away from your family, living in a real world with access to real sadness, suffering and pain in families that you find yourself realising just how lucky you had it, how well your parents had done to shield and protect you from the things that could have damaged you in your childhood.

My mother (and my father who is also awesome) did this so well. Sure I hated them at the time for not being allowed out to the park after dark to drink with people from school at 14 years old. Now, I see it, I see how they wanted to make sure I enjoyed my childhood whilst I had it. There were plenty enough times in my adulthood to make all the mistakes I will invariably do as a human being. At that time, they were my protectors and responsible for how I would grow up, and they weren't going to take the responsibility lightly.

I want to share just one of my many amazing memories of my mother and an example of her love as it is simply awesome.

When we were young, around the years 5-10 years old, my parents (being Salvation Army Officers) would have to go away over the Easter period for a week. As such, Older-Brother-Glyn would be sent to my dad's parents and myself and Younger-Brother-Daniel would go and stay at my mum's parents. This was only one week, and to be perfectly honest, at that age, we were all much more excited that we got to go and play and Grandma and Grandad's house because there were loads of toys there and Grandma would take us out every day, so really we were completely fine about the whole thing.

My mother however, didn't want any of us to think that this meant she loved us any less, or that she wasn't thinking of us over this holiday period, and so she would make us a letter and a present for every day she was gone. Each morning we would wake up, run to our Grandma and beg her for our new installment.

I couldn't tell you now what any of those gifts were, or what any of the letters said in any detail, but I do know that they were full of love and I never doubted that my mum was thinking about each of us every day.

As I've grown up, there have been rough patches, mainly due to me being the worst grumpy teenager to my parents in the world... Seriously, it's put me off ever having girls, I was a nightmare, but after I stopped being the teenager from hell, my mum and I became close, became not just mother and daughter, but friends.

Sure we have our differences, she is the cleanest person in the world (to OCD level) and... well... I do like my clutter. There have been struggles, but when you can say that your hardest struggle in your relationship with your mother is that you fear you will never be as good a person as she is, I think you can safely say that she did a good job.

This year is the first year that my mum is without all three of her children. She's in Scotland and we're in England and I still haven't managed to get a chance to speak to her yet. Her family means the world to her, I would even go as far as saying that we are her world. I know, more than anything, that there is nothing she wouldn't do for us.

She's the woman who wrote me letters when she wasn't around, she's the woman who sat and cried with me in our bathroom when I made the decision to take a gap year instead of going to the uni I had working so hard to get into and had failed, she's the woman that, when she hears I'm upset, her gut instinct has been to come and get me and help even if she is 8 hours away, she's the woman who got on a train last year from Scotland when I was moving house, armed with a suitcase full of cleaning products, in order to ensure I had help to get everything done. She's the woman who looks at her three children and I can see how much happiness she wishes on us, how much she wants to see us married and with children, not just so that she can have Grandchildren, like we joke, but because she wants us to experience the sheer joy and happiness that she has felt marrying my dad and raising us three.

It feels really weird and kind of emotional that I'm not with her this year, and I really hate that she is without any of us on a day when we really should be spending all our time with her, singing her praises.

So instead of that, I thought that I would take a leaf out of her book and write her this. My letter to my amazing mother who I love very very much and miss with all my heart.

I love you mum. Happy mother's day.

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