Monday, 19 September 2011

The day I held my life in my hands

DISCLAIMER: Before Younger-Brother-Daniel complains... this post has been deliberately tweaked in order to create a more dramatic atmosphere. There is a slight chance that the series of events (although they definitely and absolutely happened) may not be completely word for word as to how the rest of my family remember it.

Ireland was amazing and incredibly relaxing... with the exception of just one day.

You see, three days into the holiday I came across a mountain with a rather ominous figure looming on it's peak.

At first I wondered if it might be some old fashioned Lighthouse that had been abandoned centuries ago. Younger-Brother-Daniel found this idea incredibly amusing, resulting in the following conversation.

Younger-Brother-Daniel has been shortened to YBD

YBD: You think that could be a lighthouse?
Me: Well obviously a really old one.
YBD: Lisa, where is that Lighthouse situated?
Me: On a hill by the sea
YBD: And why do Lighthouses exist?
Me: To guide ships to land without sinking
YBD: What's that all around the supposed Lighthouse over there?
Me: ... Land.
YBD: What would happen should that particular building turn on it's lights?
Me: It would show that there is a hill there.
YBD: And what would happen should they use that building as a marker for where they would need to stop?
Me: They would survive and go home to see their kids?
YBD: More like they will crash into the jagged rocks that extend out in front of it.
Me: Well that's just ridiculous, the light is obviously going to show that there is land in front of the lighthouse. If they don't notice that then they deserve to punished for being so stupid.
YBD: (Throws me a withered look)
Me: What?
YBD: You deserve to be punished for being stupid.
Me: Your mum deserves to be punished for being stupid.
Marmie: What was that?

Two days later, when I found myself face to brick again with the ominous Lighthouse looking structure, I noticed something else to it that I had not noticed before... there, poking out of the side of the rock was what seemed to be a long pole.


Now obviously, with this new information coming to light, I could only come to one solution...

... This mountain had been invaded by a large, rather monstrous looking, Dalek.

Naturally I was stunned into silence as my mind tried to comprehend the level of danger that I was currently under. My senses became heightened, my breath caught in my throat as I scoured the surroundings, looking for some form of army nearby. As my eyes fell on nothing but calm and peace, I felt my breath escape my mouth again although my body still stayed tense and my lips only parted in a little 'O' to let the air out. 

"Lisa?" Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I could hear Younger-Brother-Daniel calling my name, but I couldn't bring myself to focus on him. Not yet. 

Using as little movement as I could (an action that was redundant given that I was in a car going 60 miles per hour), I leaned forward, placing my fingertips against the cool window glass. As my nose hit the window I realised this was the closest I would be able to go without tumbling out of a moving car. I thought about opening the car window but my father had the air conditioning on and I didn't want to waste unnecessary car petrol, after all... We were holidaying on a budget.

It was at this point I felt ready to turn my head away from the deathly Dalek. It looked dormant and I was too far to get caught in one of it's death rays. 

My eyes fell on Younger-Brother-Daniel finally and I saw the perplexed (and possible fear) in his eyes. It was up to me to inform my family of this massive danger, however I knew the moment they knew the truth, our holiday would be changed for the worse. 

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find the words, my mouth shut again and I simply stared, my face as white as the impending death waiting for us. 

"Mum," Younger-Brother-Daniel spoke into the silence. "I think Lisa's having a stroke."

Marmie looked up from her Kindle and checked in her front mirror. "I'm sure she's okay sweetie."

"Poke her to see if she responds." Father suggested. 

Younger-Brother-Daniel tentatively placed his index finger into my arm, his eyes never leaving mine. As if a shock had been sent through my body, my arm shot out and grabbed his finger. 

"It's not a Lighthouse!" I gasped. 


"It's not a Lighthouse," I repeated as my panic caught up with the rest of me. "It's a Dalek!"

Father looked over at the mountain and let out a grin. "Oh yeah! I think you're right sweetheart."

My face shot to him. "What should we do about it?"

My family shared confused looks through many of the car's mirrors. 

"What should we do about what?" Younger-Brother-Daniel asked. 

"About escaping our impending doom!" I exclaimed. 

"I don't think there's much we can do," Father said. "If that is a Dalek I think it's pretty much out of our league in terms of what we can destroy."

"But dad! That thing could destroy the world!" 

"I'm with dad on this one," Younger-Brother-Daniel said. "If they're too big for the Doctor to destroy then I'm guessing our chances aren't that good."

"So you're answer is just to lie down and let it kill us?"

"Well no darling," Marmie said. "We were actually on our way to see the town Dingle's one and only dolphin, Fungie. I'm sure the Dalek will let us do that first."

I slunk back in my seat, crossed my arms and let out scowl. "Fungie's probably already dead."

"Well let's hope not, we'd deliberately saved this trip till last so you could see it as well." Marmie said. 

"We get our money back if we don't see it though. It's on the sign." Younger-Brother-Daniel said. 

"Well then I guess it's a win:win," Father said. 

"Yeah, until the whole world explodes." I muttered. 

"Well let's worry about that if we come to it," Father said. 

Our boat ended up travelling right into the Dalek's firing line in the middle of the sea. However Fungie was alive and after an hour and a half of our boat circling one dolphin, this was the best picture I managed to get. 

Once we had been in the boat for about 45 mins a cloud of smoke surrounded the mountain Dalek and I  gave out a screech of delight as I realised the Doctor had come to save the world once again. 

And that, folks, was my life threatening and highly dangerous adventure on the most Southern coast of Ireland. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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