The Wall versus The Benefit... The Wall is winning

People keep on telling me that doing all the exercise I'm doing will really start to effect my general fitness. Apparently I'm really "going to feel the benefit" any moment now... if that's due to happen, it hasn't happened yet. One-And-Only-Daniela and I went to the gym yesterday and practically collapsed a mere 40 minutes in, which led to us giving up and going home. This kinda sucks as we've been staying for at least an hour and a half up until now.

Now, I've also heard of this thing called "The Wall", which apparently is something that we also all have to hit before we start to get to the 'feeling the benefits' bit. This is all well and good, but I've been repeatedly hitting this wall now for about a week. In fact, I'm pretty certain that I've set up camp in front of this wall and am calling it home, which just adds further insult to injury as I hate camping. I'm knackered and am beginning to wonder if exercise might be the first thing that I am unable to become obsessed over... yes, that might sound weird coming from a woman who has spent almost every day at the gym for coming up to 3 weeks, but it is getting harder and harder to find the energy to continue. What worries me is my biggest trick that I play on my brain to get me to go (having One-And-Only-Daniela going too) has now been taken away from me as she going off on holiday for 2 weeks and all that's left as a push is my own will power... ah pants. I have no will power. I lost it years ago. I am a woman who lives her life on vices, OCDs, obsessions with fictional characters and story lines, and the need to consume Big Macs on a weekly basis. (Good news on that front, it's been about a month since my last Big Mac... maybe there's hope for me yet.)

Yes, my dieting is still going strong. Although my body appears to be upset with me for not giving it enough processed food. I'm finding myself staring down my healthy meals for about 10 minutes before I can bring myself to eat them, all the while my brain is screaming at me to get something more interesting to eat... On the odd occasions that I have given in and gone for a plate of chips or a burger, I can barely eat it... so I'm in this weird place where apparently food of any type is going to cause protests from one part of my body or the other... sigh.

So, as a result of all this, I decided that I need to start to make the gym going a more interesting thing. As it stands, I have one beautiful technique that gets me to do the main bulk of my cardio without wanting to give up... we have TVs built into the machines, I happen to arrive at the gym just in time for The Big Bang Theory's double bill on E4+1 to start. I watch, I laugh, I look to see that 15 minutes of my workout has already gone by... man, I love that show. But I'm going to need something else to add some spice into it soon... I just don't know what... there really is very little you can do with a set routine built by Trainer that takes up all the time available between you arriving and when the gym begins to close...

I do weigh myself every day and have now dropped a whopping 7lbs in just under 3 weeks. But even this is starting to lose it's excitable reaction from me. I weighed myself last night, saw that I'd lost another lb since Sunday and, instead of getting all happy in the fact that I'm still going in the right direction, I found myself shrugging and wondering how long it would take for me to get into my bed... This sodding wall won't come down.

This is about the time that I start to give up on trying to be fit. However, I am also ridiculously competitive, and I've set myself a goal now, one that I have to reach. I have just over 4 weeks to go until I need to be at my goal weight, which I predict is another 6lbs to lose. I'm definitely ahead of time at the mo, I won't lose out on it... I won't... although KFC have just brought out this Brazillian meal and it looks so good. Argh life is hard sometimes!! ... Hi, I'm Lisa, the queen of complaining about first world problems.

I'd like to think that, in a week's time, I will be writing on this thing telling you that suddenly exercise has become amazing; I have developed the ability to get to the top of the stairs without feeling knackered, I'm able to do 45 crunches without spontaneously crying and my inability to sit up without help is far behind me, along with all my excess fat; but I'm not seeing that happening... ah well, one can dream I suppose.

And my grumble post is complete. Sorry it sounds so pessimistic... ironically, I'm having a pretty good day today. I bought tickets to see Jake And Amir's If I Were You show in London and everything... maybe I just need a nap. Excuse me whilst I crawl under my desk inconspicuously before anyone notices.

Peace out my lovelies