Thursday, 13 February 2014

Valentines advice from a Plum: Here, have some happiness

Sleepy today... my leg has also gone to sleep. I've been sitting at my computer trying to think up something to talk to you guys about, and I'm well and truly drawing a blank. I've got a Fancy thing lined up but am restrained by my own strict rules... it's not Friday so I'm not allowed to talk about it, otherwise the world might end or something... Before you scoff, you have no idea that that won't happen. No one does. If someone can give me strict scientific proof that my breaking free of my routine won't result in the world ending, then I might consider being rebellious and trying it out, but until that happens, I will still live in eternal fear of destroying the world with my actions...


I'm really beginning to see the side effects of spending all my free time making up scenarios and storylines based around a post-apocalyptic world. Apparently paranoia goes hand in hand with it. However, I'm resigning myself to this lifestyle, realising that I had better get used to it, given that I am only just finishing my second book, and have at least another 6 books in my head, ready to be written... Wow, if I wasn't tired before, that thought has well and truly sent me over the edge. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing more amazing to me than writing these books, but still... that is a lot of work.

How's everyone feeling about Valentines? Happy? Sad? Annoyed? Indifferent?

Me? I'm my usual indifferent. I know the media and, indeed, world, dictates that I, as a single woman in her 20s should either be depressed or overly feminist about the whole thing, but sorry to disappoint. Truth is, I just really don't particularly care. Sure, it's nice for people in a relationship to spend time with each other. I mean, technically they can do this at any point and don't really need a a particular day to dictate to them that they should, but I guess there's no harm in celebrating the act of mutual love and/or like.

I have tried, over the years, to form an opinion over this particular 'holiday.' You know, get on board with whether I love or hate it. However, as the years go on, I find myself becoming more and more 'blah' about it. Most years, I find I can forget that it even happened. At most, it serves as a nice reminder that it will be Marmie's birthday the day after. (Happy advanced birthday, Marmie).

Should I ever find myself in a relationship over this date, I don't think I'll become that fussed about it. If I choose to put so much pressure on this one day, then I am essentially limiting the romance to a few choice days a year, and thus causing myself to lose out on all the other days that I could guilt my significant other into doing nice things for me... think about it, it makes sense.

Looking back, the only time I ever really used to get upset about the whole thing, was when I was a teenager. This was mainly due to being best friends with a girl who would always be overflowed with endless presents and flowers from secret admirers. This was only made worse by the fact that she shared the same first name as me, therefore filling me with false hope whenever I entered a classroom, made my way to our shared desk, saw my name on a card, began to dance inside, and then noticed that pesky second name that didn't belong to me. Also, I was all angsty back then... as you might have noticed from yesterday's post.

But this wore off as I entered my 20s and all puberty ridden angst fell to the side lines, to make way for my laziness. Also, I didn't spend any valentines with the afore mentioned friend anymore which saved any problems of having my face rubbed in it.

My main reason for not caring about the whole thing however, despite what the world might expect of me, is that I have become this fiercely independent woman who likes the idea of a relationship but has also realised that not being in one really doesn't mean the endless pit of loneliness and depression, Hollywood films would have you believe.

Guys and gals, permit me to let you into a little secret that you might not be aware of... being single actually isn't that bad. I mean, yes, there are perks and loveliness involved in being in a relationship, and I am no way advocating against that, but if you find yourself without that special someone this year, that really is okay. You are still able to live your life and have fun and enjoy things and even laugh and have a good time. I know it may seem ridiculous, but I can assure you, it is possible.

Also, if you are single, there are other things that you can do for fun that don't include desperately trying to find someone else to share your life with. It seems to me that the general consensus is there are two types of ways of having fun: Either be in a relationship and have fun that way, or be single and have fun trying to get a relationship... I'm sorry, what???? Don't be ridiculous. People are obviously underestimating the pure joy associated with the quirkiness you are able to come up with when you have those moments completely devoid of people and the scrutiny they hold.

This isn't verbatum, but usually when you are with people regularly, they might look down or even worry at your ability to make yourself fall into hysterical laughter when you make a joke to yourself that you find uncontrollably funny, or when you get home to find some old body paint, feel bored and decide that you'd like to paint your entire face silver, just because you can. *COUGH* One-And-Only-Daniela *COUGH*

Being on your own and just being content and weird within your own skin is possibly the most awesome thing there is. It doesn't matter that you don't have anyone for the moment, the world won't end (okay, I can't back that up with science, but it hasn't ended yet, so that has to be a good sign), and most of all it doesn't mean that you can't be happy. In fact, if you find that you can't be happy without being in a relationship, perhaps this is the perfect time to not be in one. At the end of the day, significant others will come and go, but you are stuck with you for the rest of your life, so it might be worth finding out how awesome you are.

I can't offer advice on how to be in a relationship, at least not good advice anyway. Truth is, I just don't have the experience to back it up. What I do know about, however, is how to be single. Freakin' hell, I have a lifetime experience of it. I have also been through the entire range of emotions associated with being single. All of them are as important as each other, and none of them should you be ashamed of. At the end of the day, if you are feeling them, then they are important.

However, I just wanted to offer a possibility of another way of thinking for this particular valentines period. If you are single, alone, without a date, or without any plans, then make some plans. These could involve friends, calling that special someone that you've been feeling a spark with, or just simply make plans with yourself. Regardless of what "They" say, making plans for one person alone, is not the be all and end all that it seems to be. You don't even need to go anywhere. You could just stay at home, but make plans to watch a marathon of your favourite films. Treat yourself to a pampering session of your favourite foods and clothes, phone a friend that you haven't spoken to in a while. If you have a bit more money, take yourself out, maybe a massage or an indoor picnic (I say indoor as I want you to have fun, not freeze your nips off). These are just simple suggestions, but overall what you should do is think about what you enjoy to do, something that doesn't necessarily have to involve another person (see sawing or cat's cradle may be a little hard) and decide, "That's what I'm going to do." Then DO IT. And most importantly, enjoy the hell out of it.

And once you've done that, and realised that you had an awesome time doing it, wake up the next morning and realise that, just because it's no longer February 14th, doesn't mean that you can't do it again. Pamper yourself silly and find the fun in the small things. When watching a movie, react to it the way you would if others were in the room, shout at the screen, laugh and make jokes. Hell, I do that all the time. Sure, my housemates may very well think I've lost my mind, but I can deal with that.

I'm actually spending Valentine's this year with One-And-Only-Daniela and a marathon of Richard Curtis' full movie works. I know that might sound in contrast to what I just said, watching soppy romantic movies. But it's not really. As I said at the beginning, I have no problem with the concept of a relationship and I know it's freakin' awesome, and when it happens for me, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it, but until then, I'll be damned if I become some half-shell of a woman waiting around for my life to start. My life has already started, it started 28 years ago, and the longer I wait for something to happen, the more of my life I am wasting. Screw that. I only have one shot at being 28, I don't want to look back and think I could have experienced it so much better.

Overall message for today? Be happy. That's all. And if that's hard (and believe me, I know how hard that can be) then don't reach too high just yet, instead of trying to be happy all the time, find something that can make you happy for a couple of hours. Do that thing and then find the next thing and repeat.

Remember, you are the only person like you in the world. Therefore no one can contribute to the world like you can. And that? That is pretty awesome.


Huh, I guess I did find something to talk about.

Peace out my lovelies.

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