Tuesday, 4 February 2014

The origins of my Plum... that didn't sound right.

I ate Plumsauce on Saturday night... I never like it when I eat Plumsauce. Not because I don't like the taste. The stuff is beautiful. My reasons are because it feels like some form of self cannibalism.

For those who have read my older stuff, you would know that I find a healthy amount of cannibalism is good for the soul. But there are rules, mainly that you must only eat people you are friends with. To eat a stranger or a mild acquaintance is a little weird and, to be honest, just bad manners. You have to have a teensy bit of decorum when eating another human being. It's what sets apart the high functioning Cannibals from the savage ones, like the ones you might find on Silence of the Lambs... Not that I have watched that movie. To be honest, watching it would just make me mad. I hate it when they misrepresent our kind. From what I've heard, Anthony Hopkins just comes across as a nasty piece of work when, in reality, most cannibals are very nice people really. We have jobs and socialise, and just generally have a good time... For more information on this, just click on this link.

With all that being said, I'm not too sure how beneficial it would be for me to expand my cannibalism to my own body. For one, there are a limited amount of body parts I would actually be able to eat before the act of eating would become impossible, on the account that I'm dead. And also, given that my body hates me at the best of times, I'm pretty certain it would find a way to ruin the experience by excreting acid, as it is known to do, or just making an otherwise pleasurable experience painful or something.

For those of you who don't know, my Internetual name on pretty much everything I'm a member of is Plumsauce10. This was one of those names that was created when I was about 14, mainly because I wanted an username with the name Plum in it, which of course was taken, and somehow sauce got wangled in there, coupled with my favourite number at the time being 10, and suddenly a username was born... After that, it just kind of stuck. This was in a world before even myspace existed, so there really was no other reason outside of MSN Messenger to have a username. And as these social networking beautiful things came into being, I was too lazy to come up with anything else and voila! I'm officially named after a sauce used for Chinese dishes. 

Funny, but true and vaguely interesting story, when creating this username, I didn't even know that plumsauce was a real food. Seriously, my teenage mind had created it in a desperate attempt to come off as ironic and quirky, so that people would say "Hey, Lisa, plumsauce? That's a little weird. Why would you name yourself after that? It doesn't even exist!" To which I could then respond with a nod of my head and a tap of my nose, whilst waggling my eyebrows and looking mega cool for being so freakin' weird. 

Of course, given that it really is a real sauce, no one actually ever asked me that question and instead, at a hen night many years later, I was given duck pancakes with plumsauce and it was like my world exploded around me. I genuinely felt as if I had been told that the reality I lived in didn't exist and that I had been living a lie for all of my teenage life. 

But then I realised that I still held some form of irony as, due to my overuse of the name in my every day internetual life, people would assume that I was some form of plum fanatic. When in actual fact, I have never eaten a plum in my life... with the exception of the sauce version of it, but we're choosing to ignore that. My reason for choosing plum wasn't based on any form of love for the fruit, but rather due to my love for the word. In my opinion, there is no better sounding word out there. Just take a moment to say it with me peeps... 


Doesn't it just sound so satisfying to say? Plum, Palum... or an expansion of the word... Plump. Wow, that's even more satisfying because you get to smack your lips at the end. And who doesn't enjoy doing that? (And by "smack your lips" I of course mean pressing them together, not saying the word plump and then wacking them with your hand... although, if you feel the need to do that, go ahead. Each to their own... In fact, I'm not going to lie, I just tried it. It felt okay. I'd happily do it again, should the need arise.)

Anywho, my affection for the word has grown substantially. Mainly due to it giving me the open for the name of this blog, not to mention the endless joy it has given me on twitter with the topical variations of the name... 50 Shades of Plum... okay, I said endless, but clearly I just meant the one variation. But I'm sure I'll come up with another awesome one later in life. Maybe I'll carve some time to think of one for 2015... yeah, I'll do that. 

But back to eating the stuff? I'm torn. It feels enough of my identity to cause me qualms. But yet I really like the taste. You see, if it isn't actually classed as cannibalism, then I'm worried that it at least qualifies as my creating some form of paradox, which wouldn't be good... although, if I continue to eat it enough times, I'm likely to catch the Doctor's attention and have him turn up at my doorstep in his TARDIS... Oh my, that would be just... wow. 


Excuse me while I go and make a quick bulk shop. 

Peace out my lovelies.

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