Thursday, 10 May 2012

She was a pretty awesome gal: an explanation

It's funny how life can get you sometimes. Right in the gut when you're least expecting it. Today has been a bad day because one of the most bizarre and ausome girls died two years ago today. As such I have found my eyes to be leaking incessantly and sadness appears to be creeping up on me from all angles. I miss this girl pretty much every day but for some reason today, being her anniversary has hit me harder than usual. I don't totally get it as technically this day is no different from the rest of my days, I do miss her all those other days but what is the difference? Maybe because it is now two years that I haven't heard her dirty laugh and it marks that time goes on without her which, in my opinion is a travesty, especially for those who never got a chance to meet her.

Each time today when I have tried to explain her awesomeness To current friends who never had the chance to meet her, I have found myself saying, "dude, you would have loved her, she would have totally made you laugh for all the wrong reasons. The fact that she was able to do this was down to one simple thing, she was truly a one in a million. I worked with Tammy Evans for a short year and a half and not once in that time did she ever not surprise me. She was fierce and loyal and so rediculous you couldn't help but be carried away by her frantic schemes. I wish more than anything that I had gotten to know her better than I did because with Tams there was always so much more to learn.

You see, this girl had cancer. The crappiness of it all was that she was completely on the mend: clear scans and all, when she suddenly became sick and died in the space of one week. All this meant, that even though we had been there with her for the 6 months she battled with chemo, we all really thought that she'd won.

I want to do her justice, the problem with all of this is that although I knew her well, today I realised that I was in fact starting to forget odd things about her. There are things that will never be forgot like that amazingly dirty laugh of hers and the crudeness she added to all that she had to say. Her complete honesty in everything, no matter how deep the details of her experiences went.

I sat with her at her funniest, at her most vulnerable and at her most rediculous. I pretty much loved all sides of her, I like to think that bits of her have been rubbed off on me.

For example, I text a mutual friends of ours today and called this woman in the text "my lovely". This friend simply text back... "That's what Tammy used to call everyone." I had completely forgot that she did but as you can all see by the way I sign off my blogs, (peace out my lovelies) I had inadvertently gained her trait and have taken it with me as pretty much very text I send to a loved one starts with "hey my lovely".

I know you guys have no relevance to this woman, and so can only read with maybe a little bit of sympathy but not much relativity, but I can only tell you now. I wish you could have known her, and if I had had the brains to start this blog a year prior to when I did, her conversations and antics would fill most of the pages on this thing.

Sorry to be so morbid today, but I assure you, she is a woman that not one of you wouldn't have adored because, quite simply, she was 100% unique. Therefore I had to write a blog to explain my retweet of last years blog and take one silly and cheesy moment to say, every friend you have, every person that makes you laugh and cry like none other, every person who, when they surprise you by saying the most amazing thing ever and leaves you with that feeling that simply says "You're awesome." Cherish them. You probably already do but I felt that today I just had to reinforce the point because I don't think I told Tammy enough. And although I'm sure she already knew it (because she was awesome like that) I still regret not saying it aloud enough.

Peace out my lovelies.

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