Monday, 28 May 2012

A couple of letters

To the people at my work who like to spontaneously turn the power off in my office,

Sometimes I try and work out just why you choose to this... without warning. But usually, when I start to apply logic to it I simply find myself at a loss.

Today was no exception to the rule, except that I might have been that little bit more peeved as usually I have a kickass saving technique for all my work and today I had not got round to implementing said technique. As such, there was a LOT of work that you consequentially then went and wiped from my computer. Needless to say, I was not the happiest of people when this realisation dawned on me.

I have, however, decided exactly why it is that you decide to this little trick to me... You hate me. You delight in causing me pain and discomfort and sit in your little office looking into hidden cameras of me to laugh heartily at my despair and open weeping... if this is the case, I can explain about all that muttering to myself during the day... there is a chance that you won't accept my reasons as a valid excuse but I can explain it.

Anywho, I just thought that I would let you know that I am onto you and I will not stop until I bring you to justice. Believe me, I won't say when but it will happen... when you least expect it... either that or I'll just cry and mutter to myself angrily the next time you do it whilst throwing empty threats onto the internet to make me feel better and more justified about my life.

So you know... be ready for that.


To everyone on the internet who has been disappointed in my blatant lack of commitment lately,

I have no words. I have no excuses. I am a bad person. A bad, bad person. I have been floating about in a lazy haze, unmotivated and being all sucky for those reasons.

There has been an excuse that I have that has not helped the matter, but I can't blame it fully on this... two weeks ago, I went to the actual real life Hogwarts, shred myself of my muggle status, donned my Griffindor cloak, mounted my broom and reached out with baited breath towards the snitch flying just beyond my reach. I walked in the great hall, I wandered around Dumbledore's office and gazed longingly at the bed Rupert Grint would have pretended to sleep in, in the boys Dormitory in Hogwarts. I caught the Knight bus, stopped and had a butterbeer, knocked on the Dursley's front door in Privett Drive and sat in the side car of Hagrids motorbike whilst One-And-Only-Daniela pretended to drive me to magical places...

I then saw Tom Riddles' gravestone. My mouth opened in sheer awe, it looked terrifying, looming over me in a shadowed area in between the knight bus and Privet Drive. I could not take my eyes off of it, Voldermort had me in his trance. I simply had to have a photo of this terrifying spectacle to tell the world that I had been brave enough to get as close as I was to such an ominous thing. In an adrenaline rush that took over my entire body, I whipped my iphone 4s out of my bag with such gusto that, before I knew what was happening, the phone was out of my hand and flying through the air. Gravity took over and no matter how far I lunged forward to save my poor little brick that was my lifeline to all things internetual, the phone landed on the ground before I could reach it with such a large 'thunk' that I swear I actually heard it's little heart break from the strain. With an immense chill that encompassed me entirely, I reached down and retrieved my phone, knowing before I even turned it over, that there was no way the poor thing could have survived such a horrific accident.

I was right.

My phone lit up as I pressed the little round button but instead of the picture of my beautiful god daughter staring up at me as is per usual, all that my phone showed me was a series of blue lines. It had happened, Voldemort had struck again and I felt the full force of his expelliarmus spell on me. He must have thought I was going for my wand rather than my phone and wanted to disarm me as soon as possible, which sucks because I hadn't even been given my first wand yet... I'm a late bloomer in terms of my wizardry. If only Voldemort had known.

So due to this, I can only navigate my phone through the use of Siri and guess where the numbers are in terms of tapping on the right thing on my screen. I have an old iphone which has wifi access but no active sim card. My internetual life has therefore become very limited and for this I am sorry, I should have been more on my guard in the presence of he who must not be named.

In case any of you are wondering where the heck I was when all this happened, I was at the Harry Potter Studio Tours and it was simply amazing, aside from the obvious incident mentioned above.

Also, if anyone was curious, butterbeer tastes like a liquified version of Worthers Originals.

I will try my hardest to be more motivated, I like it when I am motivated. I also miss all my internetual friends. There has been a deep hole in my life since I have been absent.

Sorry my lovelies


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