Thursday, 8 December 2011

Random thoughts of a plum - 24 style. The following events take place between 5:50 and 6:40pm. 

How is it possible that I have had such an action filled week and I have nothing to say tonight? I have been sitting with a vacant look on my face for the past ten minutes desperately racking my brain for something to write about and I have nothing...

An announcement has just come on, on the bus I'm on letting us know that CCTV is in operation throughout the bus. Is it wrong that my first reaction is "am I doing anything suspicious?" I've actually just ran through everything in my mind of what I'm doing, what's in my bag, what I'm wearing, how I look at the moment, do my eyes look particularly shifty? Where is the camera? What angle am I being shown at? 

After I did this for a while I realised just how paranoid I was... Or guilty... Except it wouldn't be guilty because my life isn't that interesting. There is nothing in my bag other than shoes and perhaps a few sweets from a few months ago... Actually if they're in there I might dig those out, my tooth is feeling rather sweet at the moment...

And now I've just missed my train. Damn. I'm going to be sitting here for ages now. That kind of sucks. 

Yes that's right, there is nothing else I can think to talk about other than a full running commentary of what I'm doing as I type...



Ah, I didn't really think that one out as now I am just sitting down distracting myself with writing my blog about how I don't have anything else to do except write a blog about writing a blog, which happens to be about me sitting and writing a blog. Oh dear, now I appear to be stuck in a blog paradox. Time and space is collapsing into itself as it no longer exists outside of this paragraph. I fear that writing about anything else will cause monumental damage in a quantum physical kind of way... Still waiting... If you're still reading this then it just proves you're about as bored as I am, also you are stuck reading about a blog which is about doing nothing and there's nothing else to do but read it because you are already doing nothing. Also... You really should know this blog will not be getting more interesting than this. All it's going to continue to do is go round and round until the headache you inevitably are gaining will get stronger and stronger until your brain explodes from the sheer weight of it. 

I want to add a disclaimer at this point. I have warned you that the blog is going to be crap from the beginning so if your head does explode then that is completely your fault. I am not going to be responsible for mass murder tonight. Trust me, I only own up to that when I've actually done it and why would I do that when I can't even get to you to eat your leftover carcass? Why??

I'm on the train now!! There's a guy opposite me who is wearing the same hat as me and he looks like Will Young. Yes, that means he's awesome. I've decided to call him Craig. Well done for having style Craig. I'll be sending you your trophy in the post. 

What else? Ummmm, there's a kid who was sitting in my favourite seat but he's just got off the train... I'm now wondering if it would be weird if I sat there... If anyone looks at me weird I could just roll my eyes and say "OCD."

Ooh Craig just looked at me! Do you think he knows I'm writing about him? Is there CCTV on this train as well? Is it broadcasting what I'm typing? Wait... Let me see if anyone nods at me when I look up, then I'll know they can see this. Hold on... Nope, either they can't see it or they're being deliberately unhelpful. 

Craig just yawned. Now I want to yawn. I'll do it on the sly so he doesn't know I'm copying him. Wait, never mind, he's got off the train... Now there are two Asian men sitting in his place. They don't look like Will Young... Just to be clear, they're not both sitting in his seat... I don't think they have that kind of friendship... Of course I don't know that for certain. I've been wrong before...

Aw, I miss Craig already. I wonder what he's doing now...

There's an advert asking me if I'm sitting comfortably. Apparently if I'm not then it means I have a bladder problem... Well this isn't the most comfy I've been... Does that mean I need to see my doctor about my overactive bladder? What qualifies as comfortable? Are you guys comfortable? If not you should probably go see someone about that. Get yourself an adult nappy or something. 

The asian (possible) couple have now left the train. I feel like I'm winning in the competition for staying on this train the longest. 

Ooh the guy that has now taken their place has a really nice coat. I should ask him where he got it from, maybe I could get one... On second thoughts, it looks quite expensive, I'll only be disappointed when I turn up and realise I can't afford it. 

Crap, I forgot to move to my favourite seat and now some girl in a cream coat and leopard print shoes is sitting there. What a bitch. 

One more stop to go. I'm going to stop this now as it has gotten old quite quickly. Thank you for being in my brain with me tonight. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

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