Monday, 17 December 2012

I've reached The Point of Laze and there is no going back

So I may have mentioned before that I am one of those people that has a tendency to procrastinate in lots of new and exciting ways (and by 'new and exciting' I mean 'same and boring', hence why it is called procrastination).

Through all of my many moments of procrastination I have developed a rule that I have tested, observed and now feel I am ready to share with you.

This rule is simply called 'The Point of Laze.'

The Point of Laze is a place that most of you will be all too familiar with but may not realise that it is called this... mainly because I gave it that name and haven't talked about it until now. But still, we're learning, people!

So in order to explain to you what The Point of Laze is, I want you to think in your head of something that you really need to do right now. It could be a big thing like pay a bill, or little like clean your teeth (not that I want to lower the importance of teeth cleanliness, remember children 'it's always good to keep all your teeth until you're at least 35... then you can start to let go a bit'). Anywho, think of a thing... have you got it in your head? No? Well, I'll just wait a little longer for you. It's okay. I have wine...

Okay. So now that everyone's got the thing in your head, I want you to then just sit and look at your computer. Don't do anything on it, just look at it. Maybe examine the photo on your wallpaper of your dog or cat or Eric Idle or whatever it is that you kids are into these days. Perhaps you want to squint at the photo and notice that your cat/dog/Eric Idle looks a lot like your son/daughter/John Cleese when you do that. How about you then go ahead and examine the actual screen of the computer. See if you can finally get round to scraping that bit of dust/mud/crap that has been there for goodness how long.

Once you've done this, your eyes might start to wonder to that little icon at the bottom/side/middle/top of your screen. The little icon that invites you to a wonderful neverending world of completely anything you can think of... the little icon that connects you to your internet provider. (For me it's a little fox hugging the world in such a loving way that I simply cannot resist trying to get in on that love.)

Go ahead and click on it. Your home page comes up. You don't really know what you want to do with the internet now that it's there but you figure it would be a waste if you didn't at least try searching for something. Perhaps you want to go to a friendly social networking site to help you on your way. Go ahead and check out youtube, surely there has to be something new that's been recommended to you. Or maybe facebook, perhaps someone's put up an adorable and yet hilarious video or photo of their child falling down. Or perhaps you could even go onto twitter. People are always posting links to a neverending series of blogs and videos and websites for people to enjoy. In fact I'm pretty sure a 'plumsauce10' is on there providing a link to an online novel? Could that be? And it's completely free? Wow, I'm so impressed, here's a link to it right from this blog.

So now you probably have a series of available things to look at, laugh at, cry at, throw things at and so on and so forth. It's about at this point you realise that the beaming sun outside your window has in fact disappeared completely and it is pitch black. Or you might have realised that the hot meal you had just cooked for yourself and is sitting by your computer waiting for you, is now completely stone cold. Or, if you are like me, you are now sitting in a dressing gown with a towel around your hair for a completely redundant reason because not only are you dry from the shower you swear you only just took, but your hair, which had been thoroughly washed and conditioned is also bone dry too. Which sucks because you know that you can only really have a decent chance at brushing it whilst it is wet as when it dries it just hates you and anything with bristles.

It's at this point where you are faced with the decision... either you can be sensible and do the decent thing and get on with your life and the really important things that you have to do in it, or you can go against everything that is sensible, open up your blogging site and start to write a blog on being in this state. If you chose the latter... ladies and gents you are officially in The Point of Laze.

FYI: The Point of Laze also works for the choice to tweet endlessly, look through a photo album on facebook that you uploaded three years ago... (which then leads to looking at the people you were with in those photos, wonder where they are now and then go search for them, stalking their facebook pages like a real pro), choosing to go through a particular person's youtube account's whole back log of videos... even if there are 200 to get through, going onto IMDB because you wonder what that child actor you loved is doing now or just simply typing 'monkeys falling off trees' into google.

I know you've all being dying to know what to call it. Now you do. You're welcome. And also, I only charge 50p every time you use it. It's like a copyright bargain.

Peace out my lovelies

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