Tuesday, 11 December 2012

I'm fund raising!

So, I may have mentioned a couple hundred times that I am planning to move to America in July 2013 for 6 months... It's all very exciting, but since making such plans I have come up with two very ominous and concrete observations:

1. Moving to America is expensive.
2. I have no money.


Do you guys see my predicament here? All my lovely ideas in my head are so exciting and dancing around on the fluffy clouds constantly knocking aorund in my subconscious, but then reality hits and it's like 'Woah reality, you're kind of a bitch.'

Anywho, I have come up with two sure-fire ways of getting around this tiny-if-not-slightly-crucial hiccup I have now found myself in.

1. Move to a house that doesn't drain every single part of your income so that you find yourself hanging outside the local supermarket at the end of the month in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving... (not that I've ever done that, *cough cough*)

2. Find awesome and interesting ways to raise money so that you can go to America and not end up in a new country, hanging outside a new local supermarket after the first two weeks in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving...

Number one I HAVE DONE! I have written down my tiny little list on a sheet of paper and put a massive tick next to it, adding flourishes and stars and flowers and other such embellishments in order to show how super on top of things I am by being halfway through my list... Don't believe me?

Check it out:

Number two however, takes a little more planning... I've considered just walking around with my hand out and my best puppy dog expression in order to make everyone feel super sorry for me and just give me the money but I feel that as I'm essentially asking for money so that I can go travelling people aren't going to be fooled, no matter how adorable I may look.

As such, I have come up with an awesome plan that is drawing on a very old talent of mine that I haven't used in about five years... I'm going to be productive. I'm going to be organised. I'm going to use the organisation to put together a productive thing.

Ladies and gents, I'm going to put on a talent evening.

Now before you all start simultaneously jumping up and down in excitement, clapping your hands together and screaming "Horaay for Lisa, this will be the best thing ever!" Just simmer down. (If you haven't been jumping up and down because you react to things like a normal person instead of the weird way imaginary people react in my head, then... just stay as you were) Five years ago I used to put on events like this a lot. I ran a drama and dance group and spent a lot of my time singing and performing like the little monkey that I am. However, looking at it now, I have an enormous list of barriers to break through to get to the night that I am planning...


I have become ridiculously and immensely lazy. Yes. You see I can't so things by halves, never have been able to. So when I decided that I was going to take a break from the "every night working until 2am to get performances ready and on time so that they are perfect and nothing less", I jumped ship and landed in the complete other side of the spectrum. As such, for the past five years, I have been the kind of girl who likes... shall we say... Non-movement. Of any kind. I am telling you, I can sit on my arse and procrastinate for days at a time. In fact, nowadays, if I'm not being paid for the work I do, then I tend to just sit and stare. Sometimes I'll put some music on. Sometimes I'll even talk on the phone to people (although this tends to be limited to Family and One-And-Only-Daniela). But mostly I just sit.

There is no coincidence in the fact that writing has to be the least active thing a person can do. The only muscle work out that my body gets is my fingers as they type... that and the occasional arm stretches as I lift my lap top from the ground to my lap and then back again, of course I only move it back again when I want to grab a light snack... (I ate an entire box of 'Go Ahead' breakfast bars last night, which I know is completely healthy because they say so on the box)

So with that being said, from what I remember of organising events like what I am planning, there is a severe lack of sitting on my arse involved and a massive increase in getting up and doing stuff. This is going to take some doing, let me tell you. And I know you might all be saying, 'but Lisa, you just said yourself that you can jump from one end of the spectrum to the other'. That's all well and good, but apparently it's a little easier to jump into the 'doing nothing' spectrum than it is to jump into the 'doing everything and never stopping ever' spectrum.


The title of the night is 'Talent night.' The talents involved in said night I was once able to do. Now however, thanks to the joyous period of my life outlined in point one, are not so easy anymore. My main reason? Guys, there is something that you all need to be aware of if you are planning for a five year stint of snacking and sitting... inevitably, unless you have the metabolism of Superman (is his metabolism fast? He never seems to gain weight and the rest of him seems to be pretty quick), then you will find that wieght gain is going to be a very strong factor in your every day life.

For me, yes, that has been a large (pun!) aspect of these past five years. To say that I have gained weight would be sugar coating it, I would just say that I've got fat. And I don't mean fat in the way that most members of the female gender complain about when suddenly their size 6 skinny jeans seem a little snug, no I'm a full blown member of the hefty club nowadays. In fact, I am five seconds away from finding the closest 'Big and beautiful' clothes shop and dancing my way down the street to it whilst listening to Mika's 'Big girls, you are beautiful' song on repeat.

I'm not exactly bothered by it, I'm not at a level where my hearts in any trouble and I only get out of breath when I run... anywhere... or walk fast. But overall I've accepted my new weight. However, when I have the plan to choreograph a dance routine like the ones I used to do all those years ago that involves bending my body in interesting shapes and moving around for longer than a minute, I do fear that I may come off as slightly rusty/out of shape/special. It should be interesting to see... I will make sure that I record said event so that you can all marvel/laugh at/cringe at my attempts.

The other contributions I shall be adding talent wise involve singing and writing (in script form for some small sketches) and then the rest I'm going to turn to my lovely volunteers to come up with their own beautiful routines and other such talents!

It's going to be exciting and (I hope) not a disaster at all. I'm aiming for end of February/beginning of March for the performance to take place. Of course, if you are in the London area and would like to take part/laugh at/pay money/throw things, then do let me know and I'll be happy to add in the acts!

Wow I wrote a lot today. I'll stop now.

Peace out my lovelies.

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