Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Science field testing is fun.

Heinakroon a couple of months ago provided an answer for those of us who wanted to be left alone whilst commuting on the train. His theory was that if a person was to walk around with a flask of Biohazard waste then people would tend to give them a wide berth. This would be even wider if the said person was to be seen drinking from it. As such he designed a scientific tool to aid this. 

Click here for the Heinakroon mug.

This Monday my purchased prototype of this tool arrived in the post and I decided to put the whole theory to the test. 

Today was my first day of field testing. I filled my flask with *cough* coffee *cough* and made my way to the train station. Waiting for the train the results were instantaneous. 

Not one person approached me. No one attempted to hustle up next to me even though I was in the prime position for where the train doors will be opening. As such, I got on the train first and so was rewarded with a seat. Huzzah! 

Whilst sitting on the train I was cast the occasional furtive glance but this was diminished the moment I moved my eyes to theirs. Other than that, there wasn't much of a reaction, although again no one spoke to me for the entire journey. 

Once I got on my second train, I had a peaceful journey. There was one person sitting opposite me who seemed a little nervous, however I have no idea as to whether I was the reason for this or whether they had just performed mass murder and were now fleeing from the scene... It's a little hard to tell the difference between the two sometimes. 

The highlight for my journey however had to be as I was coming off the second train. A man pushed into me and so I turned to him with the most shocked expression I could muster and hissed "Careful!" at him whilst gesturing towards the sign on my flask. When he looked at me fairly perplexed, I simply shook my head, rolled my eyes, and took a sip from my flask as I walked away. I don't think he'll be bumping into me again in the future. That is what we scientists would call a "positive result."

It has also opened up the possibility of added factors I could feed into this experiment for maximum effect. These factors I have labelled below. 

1. Whilst sitting on a train, I should take a sip from the flask. Shortly after my nose starts bleeding, I grab a bloody tissue out of my bag and mutter under my breath "damn it, this always happens."

NB: Find a way of making my nose bleed at will that doesn't include shoving a tomato ketchup sachet up my nostril. 

2. Take a sip from the flask then spontaneously slap someone round the face. When they demand why I did such an act, I could throw them an apologetic look and gesture towards the sign on my flask. 

3. Along with the flask, walk onto the train in a full Hazmat suit and sit down as if this is the most normal thing in the world. 

NB: I will probably need some form of straw like mechanism to be able to drink from my flask on this day given that I will have a complete head mask/hood on. I must ensure that I make a hole big enough to fit this straw through. 

4. Orchestrate some form of Shakespearean death scene before taking a sip from this drink. Make it big enough so that people think this has become my last resort and by drinking it I have accepted to choose death. 

NB: To include an additional "WTH???" factor to this, choose something trivial to be taking the drink over like leaving the heating on at home and only just realising it. 

NB 2: Logistically it is better to do this as I am getting off the train so that I am not expected to lay down pretending to be dead for a 20 minute train journey. Plus it would be really funny if I fell out of the train onto the floor then as the train starts to move off and I have all the passengers' attention, I then get up and walk away as if nothing had happened.

So I will work on implementing these additional factors. In the meantime if anyone has a Hazmat suit I could borrow, I would really appreciate it.

Peace out my lovelies.

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