Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Fitness and aliens: Because one can't exist without the other.

Salad... Salad... Salad... Porridge... Salad... Salad... Tuna... Salad... Salad... Apple... Salad... Salad


I miss real food.

I'm also going through this process at the moment where I'm getting on the train after work to head straight to the gym, and falling asleep so suddenly one might assume I'm narcoleptic. Let's face it, at this point, I probably am. It's making the train journeys a lot quicker in my mind, but as it has been happening whilst I'm playing Pet Shop Saga on my phone, I have on several occasions almost lost my phone as it dropped out of my hand whilst I dropped off to sleep. Also, I have it on good authority that my sudden narcoleptic tendencies are high amusing to watch. I have caught many a fellow traveller suppressing smirks as I jolt back awake and wonder what the hell is going on.

Once I'm at the gym, I'm awake again... well, almost. It takes about 5 minutes of Cross Trainer work out before I'm raring to go but once the adrenaline kicks in, I'm all 'exercise is cool!' and then I hate myself a little bit because my very uttering of those words goes against a lifestyle I have been finely attuning for 28 years of my life.

I do find it interesting that my approach to exercise has now done a 180. When I started, I had all this competitive energy inside me, whereby I was determined to lose weight, so I was going to go to the gym and work out for hours and hours and hours and nothing was going to stop me. As such, I would get on the Cross Trainer, enter in 30 minutes of exercise into the plan and begin with a smile. It would be at roughly the 5 minute mark, when I was sweating far more liquid than my body could hold and my face looked like someone had pressed me up against the sun, that I would lose all of the afore mentioned energy and quickly change the 30 minutes to 10 minutes and convince myself that that was good enough. As of last week onwards however, I have been dragging myself rather reluctantly to the gym whilst every part of my body is begging me to go to sleep instead, arriving at the cross trainer and deciding that I'd just do a quick 20 minutes this time, and do more when I feel more up for it. However, this time at the 5 minute mark, my body wakes up and starts celebrating as if it suddenly discovered that exercise was exactly what it wanted, despite the hours of protest beforehand, and next thing I know I'm doubling the time from 20 minutes to 40 and raising the level higher and higher, finding my energy levels only increasing as the minutes tick by.

I've heard the rumour that people react this way to exercise, but I never believed it and I certainly never thought that I would end up being one of these people. I feel like I've just discovered a new planet full of Aliens and instead of them ostracising me, they have accepted me as one of them... Oh my days, I'm in Avatar. I'm a tall blue woman with hair that plugs into weird animals that fly... that's pretty much all those things were right? Is it racist for me to call them things? Do I call them people? But is the word 'people' a name that is only applicable to human beings? Argh, can you imagine the Politically Correct red tape we would have to go through if we ever did find another habitated planet? We've barely got to a point where we can accept everyone on our own... There would be all these fights because they want to celebrate their Christmas in July and we'll be all, "But that's cray, cray! I'm going to bomb your planet now!" Their leaders retaliate with, 'Well I'm going to bomb yours right back!' Which we then say is completely ridiculous and, by merely mentioning it, the Aliens clearly don't have the right state of mind to run their own planet. And then Armies will be sent in on the pretence that they are there to protect the citizens from their leaders who are clearly working against them, but then stay for ages and we later find out they've been stealing all their magical immortal juice that they have in their waters instead of doing that whole 'bringing peace' thing... or something...

Yeah, people say that it would be awesome to meet other alien species, but if our history is anything to go by, I really can't see that meet up going anywhere good...

And that, ladies and gents, is how you go off on a really long winded tangent.

You're welcome.

Peace out my lovelies

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