I'm pretty sure this wasn't meant to happen...

Let me tell you about the weirdest encounter I have ever had with a doctor in my life. I'm talking... if I could be arsed, I'd probably be mega pissed about this and want to complain, but the concept of having to get myself worked up over it and then use energy to show how upset I am and then having to see it through when people actually did something about it and asked me to take it further and see if it can be resolved... ah, the whole thing makes me knackered just thinking about it.

So instead, I've used my usual approach which is:

1. Gaze in disbelief whilst it is happening.
2. Go home and tell people there whilst still holding my gaze of disbelief.
3. Think about it for a while whilst gazing in disbelief at random strangers.
4. Go onto my little blog and decide to share my disbelief with you lovely people.

As you may have guessed, I have reached stage 4 of my usual approach and would now like to share with you all what happened.

So yesterday morning, I went to see my new GP as I have just moved house and so had to get a new one. I'd not met him before, but I was at the end of my tether in regards to one symptom that I have been having for about 9 years now... As I've mentioned before, I suffer from nightmares. These used to happen about 2-3 times a week, however my mind decided recently that it was bored with that routine and upped the anti by moving them up to EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

This has been going on for about four months now, and if that wasn't knackering enough, my brain still wasn't satisfied and so decided to make them so bad that I have to wake up about once an hour smacking myself or yelling out words like "I won't eat that orange monster" (true story).

Needless to say, I have not been too impressed. I've been knackered as I don't feel like I'm sleeping and this has now led to me getting sick (once again, I know *rolls eyes*) and last week I had to take half the week off work because of this.

So I went to the GP on Saturday morning, all pent up and annoyed and ready to complain until something was done about it... and this is what happened.

My name appeared on the screen and I went to his office, all ready to complain. He sat me down with barely a nod my way and then proceeded to read aloud a very long and very detailed letter my previous doctor had written about me. He was incredibly slow about this and chewed over the words, so I sat there and just stared into space until he was done. 

Once he had eventually finished, this was the conversation that followed.

GP: So, what can I do for you?
Me: My nightmares are doing my head in, I'm not sleeping and I'm getting ill.
GP: Okay, well that happens sometimes. Have you had a blood test?
Me: No.
GP: Well, let's do that.
Me: Okay.
GP: Have you also considered... (his phone goes off, indicating he has had a text message) Oh, excuse me, my son just received his Phd yesterday, this will probably be from him. (Proceeds to read the message) Oh no, this isn't from him... what is this? ... Oh, I can't believe this... these people should be lined up and shot.
Me: Okay, well I was wondering if you might be able to help with my sleeping, because it's been really effecting me at work and I'm tired all the time...
GP: Just look at this text. (Hands me the phone) It's one of those texts asking me if I need help with debt, how do they get my number? I keep on sending those texts back saying STOP but they keep on sending me message. It's an invasion of privacy, is what it is.
Me: (Hands back the phone) Yeah, they can be really annoying... anyway, I was wondering if I could...
GP: I'm going to show them... (starts typing in the slowest fashion I have ever seen into his phone. After a few minutes of him typing and me sitting there, tapping my fingers on the desk and checking my watch, he eventually shows me his phone again) There, that will show them, won't it?

He had written "Stop, stop stop stop, rubbish."

Me: I'm sure it will (he was still staring at his phone) Anyway... I was wondering if you might be able to help with the whole 'not sleeping' thing?
GP: Oh yes, well, let's increase your medication.
Me: I was under the impression that by increasing the medication, it would be less of a sedative.
GP: Really? You heard that? Well, let's ask Dr Google.

Loads up the internet and types the question into google... I kid you not.

GP: Oh... so it does... wow, well I've learnt something new today.

...

Now, I know that sometimes in my transcripts, I have been known to exaggerate here and there for dramatic/comic effect... however this happened exactly as I've written it. There was no need for any exaggeration... this man actually did every single one of the things I've written.

Needless to say, I went away a little worried for my future health. There was actually more than this that he had said but I feel this pretty much sums up the man that is now in charge of my health... If I die in the future of suspect causes, feel free to use this post as evidence...

In terms of future conversations I will endeavour to type on here... I had the most amazing conversation with a man from the American IRS on Friday that might have been my most favourite thing ever. I'm not kidding, I laughed for such a long time whilst simultaneously wanting to jump down the phone and instantly marry the man because he was so amazing. It has also led me to pretty much start dancing on the spot at the concept of living in America for 6 months... because obviously now that I've spoken to one man, all the other people in America will be just as awesome, because that's how it works...

I will really try to upload this conversation at some point on this blog, and I do apologise for the lack of general posts on this section but I think I have a pretty valid excuse this time... and no, it has zero to do with games on my phone! (although I have just discovered Temple Run 2).

I have now written and FINISHED a book!! It's called Utopia, it's about the end of the world and it is available on my sister blog Creative Writing from a Plum. This can be found in the link or in the bar on the right hand side of this blog -> -> This way -> ->

For those of you who don't fancy scrolling through endless amounts of posts to read it and also feel like being really nice people in helping me raise money to go to America this year, I am also making the book available to buy. First off, it will be available via Kindle, which I anticipate to be ready sometime next week and will let you know exactly when! Then hopefully, in a couple of months, it will be available in book form. This will take a little longer than I thought because the company I'm using is an American one and I need to sort out all the tax aspects of that being that I'm not American and so need all sorts of forms etc... (hence the call to the IRS).

But if you are  interested or just want to help a girl out by buying her book and then never reading it (I really don't mind) then please, please buy a copy of my book so that I can afford to go to America... also, I'm a mega geek about my book and the characters in it and I love to talk about it and hear that others love them too, so if you do read it, then please let me know what you think... my official email address is:

aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhplum@live.co.uk (that's 5 a's, 5 r's, 4g's and 5h's)

I will keep you posted on the information on this as I get it... I'm in major edit mode for the book at the moment but it's almost finished!! Much love to you all, and I have missed you all deeply.

Peace out my lovelies.

Friends are awesome.

There are some people in your life that no matter how much time you spend apart from them, when you meet up together, it's just like it always is. There is no awkwardness, no drifting apart, just the same awesome jokes and completely-guaranteed laughs as there always has been.

I have learnt that when I have been lucky enough to meet such a group of friends, it is so important to spend at least one night every other month with these people. Unfortunately I am unable to spend more than that with them as I no longer live anywhere near them, but I do make the effort because when I do... Man, the good times I have with them are so special.

Tonight I am spending such a night with them. These people include the lovely Jo-Jo who regularly sends me little "I saw this and thought of you" amazing tid bits in the mail every now again, these things have included:

1. A picture of Rupert Grint in a 'got milk?' poster.
2. A 2012 diary full of Edward Monkton goodies in March of last year.
3. The famous birthday card that led me to disclose my "eating friends" cannabalism secret to everyone.

She just simply rocks. And then you have I-Love-Him-So-Much-It-Hurts-Rich, whose name pretty much sums him up completely. Then there's of course the famous and regularly talked about One-And-Only-Daniela whom I had met at the same time as all of these lovely people.

There are so many others that I will be seeing tonight that I equally love but couldn't do it justice in just one small post.

I have my theories as to why it is that no amount of time could change the closeness of our friendship. The main one being that they simply are just fun and completely incapable of any kind of judgement ever. We are all kind of perfectly imperfect if you get what I mean. And we're all so open about it, knowing that this is such a safe forum to talk about it.

The reasons for this? This group of friends have all shared and been through a hell of a lot; illness, death, pain and grief that I can't even begin to think about. We had to share a very dark moment together and because of that, we will never be able to take for granted the concept of laughter and joy.

I think when you share such a moment it forms a mutual bond and understanding of... "You know what? Sometime's life just sucks, so let's enjoy the hell out of it whilst we can."

That may seem like some kind of depressing concept to hold but it isn't, it's so freeing. Suddenly everything is awesome and time is such a precious thing that needs to be enjoyed and lived and cherished.

So guys, there's a chance that you will receive some highly interesting tweets from me tonight. As such, I recommend to you follow/Unfollow me accordingly and I am going to go now and have an awesome night with people I quite simply love.

Peace out my lovelies.