I've been thinking today. About us as a human race. About what makes us tick and move and interact and be.
We're essentially a mesh of skin and bones and blood and organs and all the little things in between. A scientifically proven complexity of different functions all working together to create this one thing... Humanity.
But we're also more than that. In amongst all the physical workings and basic needs that one human needs to exist, there's this other element. This even more complex and completely unfathomable notion of emotion. We feel and we love and we need and adore and hate and have indifference to all manners of things that are external to us but which contributes to what makes us, us. Having this extra layer of functionality or dysfunctionality, whichever way you want to look at it, we move on from not just existing but living.
And living involves so much more than we will ever even begin to understand. It causes us to live outside of ourselves and reach out to those around us, drawing in the personalities that we are attracted to for friendships and relationships, it allows us to bond and find meaning in others' opinions and beliefs. It allows us to form our own personalities out of all the things that have influenced us throughout our lives.
We can have one seemingly innocent conversation with a stranger and form whole relationships out of it. We learn to trust and love and, as we grow older, we learn what it is to be hurt and let down by those bonds of love. We cry and fall down and feel pain and suffering. We question why and try to form reason out of the hurt we feel.
We learn to forgive and do what we can to forget and sometimes we can do just that, forget and dust ourselves off and not think of it again except in a memory that later we can roll our eyes at and wonder why we had let such a thing upset us in the first place.
But sometimes it's harder. Sometimes the hurt can harden and cause us to question our own selves and the way we come across. Sometimes we never quite are the same after that hurt. There are parts of us that are wary of allowing people into those areas of our hearts that have been damaged by others.
Most times however, we show our resilience, dust ourselves off and let people in once more. And the next time, perhaps it doesn't hurt as much. Our attachment instead just grows, we love deeper, maybe get married and grow old with that person.
But the act of allowing a person in to that extent can seem scary, something that feels like it comes at too high a price. We remember all the failed relationships in the past, remember the things about ourselves that caused people to walk away. What if this new relationship formed ends the same way? Suddenly that relationship we crave so much becomes the thing we're most scared of. The act of letting someone in, opens up the possibility of them rejecting us.
I've yet to know what it feels like to fall in love with someone. Hell, I've yet to know what it feels like to just share my time with someone. But I have loved. My heart is spread out between my friends and my family. I know what it's like to feel hurt when they hurt and laugh when they laugh.
I also know what it's like to lose those that I've loved. To suddenly be cut off from a friendship that I considered precious and so, so crucial to me. I look at those and wonder why it is that I continue to let people in and love all over again.
And then I remember why, I'm human. We all are. And for some inexplicable reason that means we keep on going. Which, when I really think about it, is pretty awesome.
Peace out my lovelies.
Thursday, 31 January 2013
Thursday, 3 January 2013
I like today. Today can happen again tomorrow if it likes...
Today has started out and continued as it usually does.
I woke up ten minutes before I had to leave the house and ran around trying to find clothes that fit and deodorant that would last all day before sprinting out the door with a passing wave at Mr-Host as I went.
Once I was at work, I sat and I typed and I joked with Line-Manager-Monica. She bragged about going on holiday next week and I starting bragging about going away for 6 whole months. She then stopped bragging and said that if she had to listen to me brag about that for the next 5 months then she would have to put me under disciplinary proceedings. I, of course, laughed at this until I realised she seemed pretty silent and stern faced and my laughter began to take on a nervous twang before stopping and I started up typing again, muttering my apologies as I did. It was a pretty normal day.
I did have one really sucky moment today however when I quickly checked the clock, realised that I had in fact stayed overtime as per usual, shut everything down and grabbed my bag to leave. I said goodbye to Line-Manager-Monica when she looked at me quizzically.
"Um Lisa," she said. "What time is it?"
I nodded guiltily and held up my hands.
"I know, I stayed late again today. I'm sorry, I'll try and leave on time tomorrow."
Line-Manager-Monica looked at me expectantly, her eyebrows raised. Her eyes then drifted to the clock behind me, hinting for me to do the same. I followed her gaze and that beautiful elated and freeing feeling I usually feel when I know that my day is almost over, sank to the bottom of my stomach. I'd read the time wrong. It was a whole hour earlier than I had thought it was.
"Oh." I said, and turned back to look at Line-Manager-Monica, a deep pout firm on my face. "But I have my coat on and everything!"
She simply tilted her head and went back to her computer. "Looks like you're going to have to take it off again then, aren't you?"
Needless to say, I kept my pout for the remainder of that hour, although I did manage to get a lot done, so I gave myself a little pat on the back for that.
When I did eventually leave, the journey home was also the same as it had been the day before. I sat on trains and buses and listened to my Ben Folds playlist whilst congratulating myself on getting to that point with a new playlist where I was beginning to be able to sing along with the lyrics... the other people on said trains and buses didn't seem in the same congratulating mood however... I guess they had just had tough days, poor things.
Getting home however was when my day got lovely.
First off, I had a thought walking up to the McDonalds I walk past on my way to and from work each day. This thought was; "ooh, I'm hungry, if I got just a double cheeseburger and chicken snack wrap then that would be cheap enough to constitute the spending of money, right?" Now, usually when I have thoughts such as these, especially when there is a fast food restaurant within my vicinity, I pretty much am powerless to stop these thoughts from turning into actions. As such, the closer I reached the McDonalds entrance, the stronger I felt my resolve get. However, by some strike of what I can only assume is a modern day miracle, my feet magically kept on walking past the entrance door, directing me home and away from the fast food temple of doom.
I know a lot of you might be thinking that this doesn't really seem like a big thing, and it probably shouldn't be deemed as a big thing in the grand scheme of things, but unfortunately, for a person like me who has never quite understood the concept of will power in her entire life, this felt as I had just discovered a new element, named it after me and won the nobel prize... much like Daniela Davids (who's Daniela Davids? I hear you cry? Well find out here).
Anywho, I was very happy with myself by the time that I got home this evening which led to even more happiness as I entered my new little home, currently owned by a scrumptious family that I am staying with consisting of Mr-Host, Mrs-Host, The-Thirteen-Year-Old, The-Eleven-Year-Old and The-Five-Year-Old, or collectively known as The-Family.
I opened the door to a wave of laughter and joking about and found The-Family eating in the dining room. Mr-Host immediately offered me a cup of tea, Mrs-Host offered me food and before I knew it I was joining in with this family fun. I sat and watched as the kids joked about the proper way of pronouncing Haagen Dazs and helped The-Thirteen-Year-Old load the dishwasher.
I then sat with The-Five-Year-Old and read her stories, one of which being my favourite story when I was her age. Mrs-Host was doing a crossword puzzle and I attempted (and failed miserably) to help her answer any of the questions. When The-Five-Year-Old was sent to bed, she gave me the biggest hug that has ever been and ran off with Mrs-Host.
I then showered and realised something... I had missed this. I had missed the enjoyment of being part of a family. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family of my own, two amazing parents and two pretty awesome brothers, but we're all grown up now and living far from each other. This though, nights like this... wow. They are so much fun and allow you to feel so loved and warm and fuzzy inside.
I've loved the freedom of my own place. I've loved the way it has helped me grow, I've loved the independence it has given me and the confidence that I've gained in knowing what I want in life rather than what is expected of me... however, sometimes I think I've taken it too far. I've enjoyed being alone a little too much. I spend every evening alone in my house, I barely go out or socialise anymore... and yes it's got a lot to do with the fact that large groups of people make me want to shake uncontrollably and search for the nearest toilet, hoping and praying that The Bloggess isn't already hiding in there. But today I realised that not all social interaction is bad... actually I'm pretty sure that most social interaction isn't bad but you know what I mean.
Anywho, I'm content this evening... this evening I've realised that I get to spend the next five months not only living with The-Family but part of The-Family, and for that I am extremely grateful for them...
... sometimes, people are just awesome.
Peace out my lovelies
I woke up ten minutes before I had to leave the house and ran around trying to find clothes that fit and deodorant that would last all day before sprinting out the door with a passing wave at Mr-Host as I went.
Once I was at work, I sat and I typed and I joked with Line-Manager-Monica. She bragged about going on holiday next week and I starting bragging about going away for 6 whole months. She then stopped bragging and said that if she had to listen to me brag about that for the next 5 months then she would have to put me under disciplinary proceedings. I, of course, laughed at this until I realised she seemed pretty silent and stern faced and my laughter began to take on a nervous twang before stopping and I started up typing again, muttering my apologies as I did. It was a pretty normal day.
I did have one really sucky moment today however when I quickly checked the clock, realised that I had in fact stayed overtime as per usual, shut everything down and grabbed my bag to leave. I said goodbye to Line-Manager-Monica when she looked at me quizzically.
"Um Lisa," she said. "What time is it?"
I nodded guiltily and held up my hands.
"I know, I stayed late again today. I'm sorry, I'll try and leave on time tomorrow."
Line-Manager-Monica looked at me expectantly, her eyebrows raised. Her eyes then drifted to the clock behind me, hinting for me to do the same. I followed her gaze and that beautiful elated and freeing feeling I usually feel when I know that my day is almost over, sank to the bottom of my stomach. I'd read the time wrong. It was a whole hour earlier than I had thought it was.
"Oh." I said, and turned back to look at Line-Manager-Monica, a deep pout firm on my face. "But I have my coat on and everything!"
She simply tilted her head and went back to her computer. "Looks like you're going to have to take it off again then, aren't you?"
Needless to say, I kept my pout for the remainder of that hour, although I did manage to get a lot done, so I gave myself a little pat on the back for that.
When I did eventually leave, the journey home was also the same as it had been the day before. I sat on trains and buses and listened to my Ben Folds playlist whilst congratulating myself on getting to that point with a new playlist where I was beginning to be able to sing along with the lyrics... the other people on said trains and buses didn't seem in the same congratulating mood however... I guess they had just had tough days, poor things.
Getting home however was when my day got lovely.
First off, I had a thought walking up to the McDonalds I walk past on my way to and from work each day. This thought was; "ooh, I'm hungry, if I got just a double cheeseburger and chicken snack wrap then that would be cheap enough to constitute the spending of money, right?" Now, usually when I have thoughts such as these, especially when there is a fast food restaurant within my vicinity, I pretty much am powerless to stop these thoughts from turning into actions. As such, the closer I reached the McDonalds entrance, the stronger I felt my resolve get. However, by some strike of what I can only assume is a modern day miracle, my feet magically kept on walking past the entrance door, directing me home and away from the fast food temple of doom.
I know a lot of you might be thinking that this doesn't really seem like a big thing, and it probably shouldn't be deemed as a big thing in the grand scheme of things, but unfortunately, for a person like me who has never quite understood the concept of will power in her entire life, this felt as I had just discovered a new element, named it after me and won the nobel prize... much like Daniela Davids (who's Daniela Davids? I hear you cry? Well find out here).
Anywho, I was very happy with myself by the time that I got home this evening which led to even more happiness as I entered my new little home, currently owned by a scrumptious family that I am staying with consisting of Mr-Host, Mrs-Host, The-Thirteen-Year-Old, The-Eleven-Year-Old and The-Five-Year-Old, or collectively known as The-Family.
I opened the door to a wave of laughter and joking about and found The-Family eating in the dining room. Mr-Host immediately offered me a cup of tea, Mrs-Host offered me food and before I knew it I was joining in with this family fun. I sat and watched as the kids joked about the proper way of pronouncing Haagen Dazs and helped The-Thirteen-Year-Old load the dishwasher.
I then sat with The-Five-Year-Old and read her stories, one of which being my favourite story when I was her age. Mrs-Host was doing a crossword puzzle and I attempted (and failed miserably) to help her answer any of the questions. When The-Five-Year-Old was sent to bed, she gave me the biggest hug that has ever been and ran off with Mrs-Host.
I then showered and realised something... I had missed this. I had missed the enjoyment of being part of a family. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family of my own, two amazing parents and two pretty awesome brothers, but we're all grown up now and living far from each other. This though, nights like this... wow. They are so much fun and allow you to feel so loved and warm and fuzzy inside.
I've loved the freedom of my own place. I've loved the way it has helped me grow, I've loved the independence it has given me and the confidence that I've gained in knowing what I want in life rather than what is expected of me... however, sometimes I think I've taken it too far. I've enjoyed being alone a little too much. I spend every evening alone in my house, I barely go out or socialise anymore... and yes it's got a lot to do with the fact that large groups of people make me want to shake uncontrollably and search for the nearest toilet, hoping and praying that The Bloggess isn't already hiding in there. But today I realised that not all social interaction is bad... actually I'm pretty sure that most social interaction isn't bad but you know what I mean.
Anywho, I'm content this evening... this evening I've realised that I get to spend the next five months not only living with The-Family but part of The-Family, and for that I am extremely grateful for them...
... sometimes, people are just awesome.
Peace out my lovelies
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
Okay, so I admit it. I may not be as good at DIY as I have claimed.
Okay, so Monday I had a moment to reflect on my life as we were about to enter a new year. I sat on the edge of my bed and looked on at my new room, my third room that I had had in as many years and saw all the boxes and bin bags littering the floor. I tried to move from my bed to get to the door and almost tripped over about three times... I knew then what I had to do... A month into living at my new home, I realised it was probably time for me to unpack.
For the first time since moving in and forming this realisation, I actually found myself not following this thought with an almighty fatigue and a decision to instead bury myself underneath my covers and applying the age old rule of "if I can't see it then it's not really there." Instead, I found what I believe the kids are calling "energy." Yes, I responded to my realisation finally with a can-do attitude and earnestly went on the search for a black bin bag and some wine.
Once I had my necessities in place, I briefly wondered what it is that I should be starting with... There was a lot to choose from, let me tell you. I decided on the big things like rearranging my furniture so that I actually had places to put the unpacked goodies awaiting me.
This meant moving my chest of drawers, the air conditioning unit that came with the room (apparently it gets pretty hot in there during the summer) and my desk.
Now, my lovely and scrumptious hosts of my new house (I'm living with a family I know whilst I save money to go to America in July) had beautifully put up my desk whilst I was at my parents for Christmas as I had mentioned that I had the flat pack with me but no longer had any instructions. Guys, I am not one of those people who say "be damned with the instructions! I am DIY Woman!! I can put this together with just the creativeness of my mind and it will look exactly as it should!!" However, Mr-Host is that person... Minus the woman part and he had magically figured out how it was meant to go.
At this point I should probably mention that The-Family I am staying with had gone away for three days and as such, I was home alone when I had decided to be so pro-active with my room. Just keep that in mind as we will be coming back to this later.
Anywho, in order to put my desk where I wanted I needed to move the air conditioning unit and chest of drawers. Being a person who lives in England and so has never had a need for an air conditioning unit in my life, I figured that I could just place the unit on my bed whilst I dealt with the chest of drawers.
This is where we hit mistake No. 1. I lay the air conditioning unit down and make a move to leave my bed when I noticed some form of liquid dripping off my bed sheets. I immediately try and remember if I had been outside that day as whether it had been raining whilst I had been... When I found my memory coming up blank I quickly deduced that the liquid was not coming from me and noted that it did seem to be coming from the air conditioning unit laying flat on my bed.
I dashed to lift the unit off my bed and then found my next problem being that I had put the unit on the bed due to the lack of space currently on my floor... This led to me skipping on the spot with a now dripping air conditioning unit and nowhere to go.
Eventually I managed to navigate myself around the bags and boxes and practically fell into my wardrobe as I wedged it into the corner in what was the only space at that time available to me.
This of course then led to me running around with kitchen towels, trying my hardest to soak up all of the dirty water that had somehow managed to spread over all of the things in my room.
Once I had managed that situation, changed my clothes, taken a quick trip to buy new bed sheets for my single bed and finished making all manners of scrunched up expressions with my face, I faced the chest of drawers.
Moving this was pretty simple, albeit a little more difficult given that clothes had been one of the only things I had actually successfully unpacked and so it was the teensiest bit heavy. But it's fine, we deal, because I'm secretly capable of super strength.
Now I had the space available to move my desk into.
Reeling from the success of my moving my chest of drawers, I flexed my muscles once more and began the movement of my desk.
It didn't go as planned.
As I mentioned above, I was home alone so I couldn't go with the safe option if lifting and placing, instead I went with the solo option of dragging and hoping.
I dragged.
I hoped.
One side of the desk came with me, the other decided to stay where it was.
For those of you who are now imagining that the desk in question looks like this:
Alas, this is not the case. Instead, my desk looks like this:
Yeah... so you see that section of the desk without the bottom attached? That's the section I pulled, that's the section that came with me, the other bit? Not so much. It was quite happy where it was and so wanted to stay. And stay it did while half of the desk decided to wobble apprehensively. However the damage had been done and you see that little white bit of board underneath the main desk behind the pull out shelf? That bit decided to just go ahead and fall out on one side.
Now it was at this point that I managed to rebalance it, step back, scratch my head and re-assess. My conclusion? Well, I didn't want to take the whole thing apart. Especially given that Mr-Host was not in the house nor was anyone else and I was certain that I would not know how to put it back together should I try said dismantling.
So I then had the ingenious idea that all I need to was take the top half off, re-insert the white board and put it back on again. I know right? That is such a fool-proof idea it is abosultely impossible that anything could ever go wrong.
So I go ahead and unscrew the left side. The left board falls away and suddenly common sense hits me like... well, like a bunch of planks of wood. I watched as the left side of the desk started to collapse and immediately threw my whole body underneath it to prevent it from doing so... crisis averted! Yeay me! My genious DIY status was left intact... until I realised that there really was nowhere I could go from this position.
You see, behind me was the unending clutter of boxes and bin bags... in front of me was my desk immediately followed by a wall. I couldn't lay the desk down, I couldn't get to the right side to dismantle that side... I was well and truly stuck.
I began to panic by this point. I actually sat there for about five minutes running through all kinds of scenarios in my head on how I was going to work my way out of this situation. None of the scenarios actually resulted in any result other than the desk falling on me and either myself or it dying... or in one particular scenario including me somehow forming a pile of random crap big enough to support the left side of my desk and it falling on me with the desk following suit, we both died... I was not feeling hopeful.
So naturally I decided that the only logical step left for me was to sit there and cry out "help!" until a random neighbour might have heard me, knocked down the door and rescued me from my inevitable fate of death. Believe it or not, no one came. After a couple of minutes of calling out, I resorted to sitting in a more comfortable position (or as comfortable as one can get whilst supporting a heavy desk) and wimpering to myself.
I looked longingly at my phone sitting on the other side of the room, merrily playing 'Let me blow your mind' from Eve, and wondered if there was anyway that I might be able to reach it and call for help. However, then I had to deal with the issue of them getting into the house I was in when I was on the third floor. Perhaps I should just forego calling the friends and jump straight to the firemen...
The last thought I had, and the one that seemed the most likely, was that I would just have to wait until either One-And-Only-Daniela turned up that night to celebrate the new year (this plan also included One-And-Only-Daniela having to scale the side of my house to the skylight in my room, smashing the window and jumping in like some form of ninja...) or I would just have to wait until The-Family returned the following day.
So I repositioned myself and settled in for the most bizarre seeing in of the new year ever, me stuck under a desk, trying to keep the blood flow going through my arms and trying my hardest not to fall asleep... Fun.
I'll be honest, I tried it for about three minutes before I got extremely bored and my arms threatened to fall off. This was when the burst the adrenaline entered my system that I heard always heard occurred in life threatening situations just as this... I therefore contorted my body in a way I thought I was no longer able to do and simultaneously held up one side of the desk whilst I bent around and unscrewed the other two planks of wood.
After that, needless to say, I sat, basked in my freedom and drank some of my wine before I then started in on the task of getting the top end of the desk back on it's stands. I think I did pretty well in that area... I mean yes, there were a few aggressive words said to the desk like "Why the hell won't you just go in?" and "I don't know what you want from me? What am I doing wrong?" and yes, there was a lot of banging and forcing of wood together (I'm still talking about the desk here people, clean minds please). But I consider it a success when the desk eventually sticks together and (more importantly) stays together...
...
Okay, so there may be two little holes in the desk that seem to suggest they need something attached to it... but they're tiny so I'm choosing to ignore them...
See?
Anywho, that's been my new year... much love and stuff and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Peace out my lovelies
For the first time since moving in and forming this realisation, I actually found myself not following this thought with an almighty fatigue and a decision to instead bury myself underneath my covers and applying the age old rule of "if I can't see it then it's not really there." Instead, I found what I believe the kids are calling "energy." Yes, I responded to my realisation finally with a can-do attitude and earnestly went on the search for a black bin bag and some wine.
Once I had my necessities in place, I briefly wondered what it is that I should be starting with... There was a lot to choose from, let me tell you. I decided on the big things like rearranging my furniture so that I actually had places to put the unpacked goodies awaiting me.
This meant moving my chest of drawers, the air conditioning unit that came with the room (apparently it gets pretty hot in there during the summer) and my desk.
Now, my lovely and scrumptious hosts of my new house (I'm living with a family I know whilst I save money to go to America in July) had beautifully put up my desk whilst I was at my parents for Christmas as I had mentioned that I had the flat pack with me but no longer had any instructions. Guys, I am not one of those people who say "be damned with the instructions! I am DIY Woman!! I can put this together with just the creativeness of my mind and it will look exactly as it should!!" However, Mr-Host is that person... Minus the woman part and he had magically figured out how it was meant to go.
At this point I should probably mention that The-Family I am staying with had gone away for three days and as such, I was home alone when I had decided to be so pro-active with my room. Just keep that in mind as we will be coming back to this later.
Anywho, in order to put my desk where I wanted I needed to move the air conditioning unit and chest of drawers. Being a person who lives in England and so has never had a need for an air conditioning unit in my life, I figured that I could just place the unit on my bed whilst I dealt with the chest of drawers.
This is where we hit mistake No. 1. I lay the air conditioning unit down and make a move to leave my bed when I noticed some form of liquid dripping off my bed sheets. I immediately try and remember if I had been outside that day as whether it had been raining whilst I had been... When I found my memory coming up blank I quickly deduced that the liquid was not coming from me and noted that it did seem to be coming from the air conditioning unit laying flat on my bed.
I dashed to lift the unit off my bed and then found my next problem being that I had put the unit on the bed due to the lack of space currently on my floor... This led to me skipping on the spot with a now dripping air conditioning unit and nowhere to go.
Eventually I managed to navigate myself around the bags and boxes and practically fell into my wardrobe as I wedged it into the corner in what was the only space at that time available to me.
This of course then led to me running around with kitchen towels, trying my hardest to soak up all of the dirty water that had somehow managed to spread over all of the things in my room.
Once I had managed that situation, changed my clothes, taken a quick trip to buy new bed sheets for my single bed and finished making all manners of scrunched up expressions with my face, I faced the chest of drawers.
Moving this was pretty simple, albeit a little more difficult given that clothes had been one of the only things I had actually successfully unpacked and so it was the teensiest bit heavy. But it's fine, we deal, because I'm secretly capable of super strength.
Now I had the space available to move my desk into.
Reeling from the success of my moving my chest of drawers, I flexed my muscles once more and began the movement of my desk.
It didn't go as planned.
As I mentioned above, I was home alone so I couldn't go with the safe option if lifting and placing, instead I went with the solo option of dragging and hoping.
I dragged.
I hoped.
One side of the desk came with me, the other decided to stay where it was.
For those of you who are now imagining that the desk in question looks like this:
Now it was at this point that I managed to rebalance it, step back, scratch my head and re-assess. My conclusion? Well, I didn't want to take the whole thing apart. Especially given that Mr-Host was not in the house nor was anyone else and I was certain that I would not know how to put it back together should I try said dismantling.
So I then had the ingenious idea that all I need to was take the top half off, re-insert the white board and put it back on again. I know right? That is such a fool-proof idea it is abosultely impossible that anything could ever go wrong.
So I go ahead and unscrew the left side. The left board falls away and suddenly common sense hits me like... well, like a bunch of planks of wood. I watched as the left side of the desk started to collapse and immediately threw my whole body underneath it to prevent it from doing so... crisis averted! Yeay me! My genious DIY status was left intact... until I realised that there really was nowhere I could go from this position.
You see, behind me was the unending clutter of boxes and bin bags... in front of me was my desk immediately followed by a wall. I couldn't lay the desk down, I couldn't get to the right side to dismantle that side... I was well and truly stuck.
I began to panic by this point. I actually sat there for about five minutes running through all kinds of scenarios in my head on how I was going to work my way out of this situation. None of the scenarios actually resulted in any result other than the desk falling on me and either myself or it dying... or in one particular scenario including me somehow forming a pile of random crap big enough to support the left side of my desk and it falling on me with the desk following suit, we both died... I was not feeling hopeful.
So naturally I decided that the only logical step left for me was to sit there and cry out "help!" until a random neighbour might have heard me, knocked down the door and rescued me from my inevitable fate of death. Believe it or not, no one came. After a couple of minutes of calling out, I resorted to sitting in a more comfortable position (or as comfortable as one can get whilst supporting a heavy desk) and wimpering to myself.
I looked longingly at my phone sitting on the other side of the room, merrily playing 'Let me blow your mind' from Eve, and wondered if there was anyway that I might be able to reach it and call for help. However, then I had to deal with the issue of them getting into the house I was in when I was on the third floor. Perhaps I should just forego calling the friends and jump straight to the firemen...
The last thought I had, and the one that seemed the most likely, was that I would just have to wait until either One-And-Only-Daniela turned up that night to celebrate the new year (this plan also included One-And-Only-Daniela having to scale the side of my house to the skylight in my room, smashing the window and jumping in like some form of ninja...) or I would just have to wait until The-Family returned the following day.
So I repositioned myself and settled in for the most bizarre seeing in of the new year ever, me stuck under a desk, trying to keep the blood flow going through my arms and trying my hardest not to fall asleep... Fun.
I'll be honest, I tried it for about three minutes before I got extremely bored and my arms threatened to fall off. This was when the burst the adrenaline entered my system that I heard always heard occurred in life threatening situations just as this... I therefore contorted my body in a way I thought I was no longer able to do and simultaneously held up one side of the desk whilst I bent around and unscrewed the other two planks of wood.
After that, needless to say, I sat, basked in my freedom and drank some of my wine before I then started in on the task of getting the top end of the desk back on it's stands. I think I did pretty well in that area... I mean yes, there were a few aggressive words said to the desk like "Why the hell won't you just go in?" and "I don't know what you want from me? What am I doing wrong?" and yes, there was a lot of banging and forcing of wood together (I'm still talking about the desk here people, clean minds please). But I consider it a success when the desk eventually sticks together and (more importantly) stays together...
...
Okay, so there may be two little holes in the desk that seem to suggest they need something attached to it... but they're tiny so I'm choosing to ignore them...
See?
Anywho, that's been my new year... much love and stuff and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Peace out my lovelies
Friday, 21 December 2012
The end of the world... well, it's not like I could exactly ignore it, could I?
Given what day it is and given that I have been prone to talk about the end of the world and preparations needed for said world end in my blog before, it would be remiss for me not to have an opinion/comment/musing on what it is that we have experienced today.
You see, out of all of the many ways people have predicted the end of the world to happen and the ridiculous amounts of predictions dates that have been "foretold," this day, the 21st December 2012, has to be one of the most famous. Today we have to endure one of the most horrific things that could possibly happen, today the Mayan Calendar ends...
I don't know about anyone else but I literally do not know what on EARTH I am going to do with myself now that I no longer have a Mayan calendar to follow and abide by. I mean, come on. Who else is literally cacking themselves right now?
Without the Mayan Calendar, we have... well... according to them, we have nothing. Because the Mayan's didn't believe in noting down the date past today, of course this means that the world will no longer exist. Because (and I was just saying this the other day to someone), if people don't live a life according to what the Mayan's want then there is no life worth living.
And so, in short, because of all of this sound factual evidence and complete belief in a culture who liked to sport beards (Mayan's wore beards and white robes, right? Or am I getting this confused with something else? (In my defense, if I am wrong, it's only because Heinakroon hasn't written a blog about it yet and I don't trust any other source of information as actual fact or education)) ... where was I? Oh yes, because of all of this being completely and utterly true and there being no chance that we could ever live in a world without the Mayan logic and order keeping us in check, the world is going to end. It is going to end... 8 hours ago?? At the end of the day??
I'm going to go with the end of the day as obviously it couldn't have been 8 hours ago because we are all still here!
So as we are not completely out of the woods just yet, I suggest a lot of last minute apologising for bad things and being nice to people and also finding underground bunkers with enough food to last the rest of your life in case it's a meteor that gets us.
Either that or get into the fetal position and cry and plead that somehow whatever evil is coming our way, it will mysteriously overlook the house that you are in... you never know, it might happen.
For more tips on how my subcconscious brain thought of surviving our impending doom... check out my Online Novel, which is conveniently on... The end of the world! Would you believe it? It's almost like I planned it that way! (If I did, then it was totally by accident, because I don't usually look past the end of the week and I wrote this last month).
Anywho... one post finished that is totally current and also a complete plug for my book! Isn't it great when things like that happen?
Peace out my lovelies.
You see, out of all of the many ways people have predicted the end of the world to happen and the ridiculous amounts of predictions dates that have been "foretold," this day, the 21st December 2012, has to be one of the most famous. Today we have to endure one of the most horrific things that could possibly happen, today the Mayan Calendar ends...
I don't know about anyone else but I literally do not know what on EARTH I am going to do with myself now that I no longer have a Mayan calendar to follow and abide by. I mean, come on. Who else is literally cacking themselves right now?
Without the Mayan Calendar, we have... well... according to them, we have nothing. Because the Mayan's didn't believe in noting down the date past today, of course this means that the world will no longer exist. Because (and I was just saying this the other day to someone), if people don't live a life according to what the Mayan's want then there is no life worth living.
And so, in short, because of all of this sound factual evidence and complete belief in a culture who liked to sport beards (Mayan's wore beards and white robes, right? Or am I getting this confused with something else? (In my defense, if I am wrong, it's only because Heinakroon hasn't written a blog about it yet and I don't trust any other source of information as actual fact or education)) ... where was I? Oh yes, because of all of this being completely and utterly true and there being no chance that we could ever live in a world without the Mayan logic and order keeping us in check, the world is going to end. It is going to end... 8 hours ago?? At the end of the day??
I'm going to go with the end of the day as obviously it couldn't have been 8 hours ago because we are all still here!
So as we are not completely out of the woods just yet, I suggest a lot of last minute apologising for bad things and being nice to people and also finding underground bunkers with enough food to last the rest of your life in case it's a meteor that gets us.
Either that or get into the fetal position and cry and plead that somehow whatever evil is coming our way, it will mysteriously overlook the house that you are in... you never know, it might happen.
For more tips on how my subcconscious brain thought of surviving our impending doom... check out my Online Novel, which is conveniently on... The end of the world! Would you believe it? It's almost like I planned it that way! (If I did, then it was totally by accident, because I don't usually look past the end of the week and I wrote this last month).
Anywho... one post finished that is totally current and also a complete plug for my book! Isn't it great when things like that happen?
Peace out my lovelies.
Monday, 17 December 2012
I've reached The Point of Laze and there is no going back
So I may have mentioned before that I am one of those people that has a tendency to procrastinate in lots of new and exciting ways (and by 'new and exciting' I mean 'same and boring', hence why it is called procrastination).
Through all of my many moments of procrastination I have developed a rule that I have tested, observed and now feel I am ready to share with you.
This rule is simply called 'The Point of Laze.'
The Point of Laze is a place that most of you will be all too familiar with but may not realise that it is called this... mainly because I gave it that name and haven't talked about it until now. But still, we're learning, people!
So in order to explain to you what The Point of Laze is, I want you to think in your head of something that you really need to do right now. It could be a big thing like pay a bill, or little like clean your teeth (not that I want to lower the importance of teeth cleanliness, remember children 'it's always good to keep all your teeth until you're at least 35... then you can start to let go a bit'). Anywho, think of a thing... have you got it in your head? No? Well, I'll just wait a little longer for you. It's okay. I have wine...
Okay. So now that everyone's got the thing in your head, I want you to then just sit and look at your computer. Don't do anything on it, just look at it. Maybe examine the photo on your wallpaper of your dog or cat or Eric Idle or whatever it is that you kids are into these days. Perhaps you want to squint at the photo and notice that your cat/dog/Eric Idle looks a lot like your son/daughter/John Cleese when you do that. How about you then go ahead and examine the actual screen of the computer. See if you can finally get round to scraping that bit of dust/mud/crap that has been there for goodness how long.
Once you've done this, your eyes might start to wonder to that little icon at the bottom/side/middle/top of your screen. The little icon that invites you to a wonderful neverending world of completely anything you can think of... the little icon that connects you to your internet provider. (For me it's a little fox hugging the world in such a loving way that I simply cannot resist trying to get in on that love.)
Go ahead and click on it. Your home page comes up. You don't really know what you want to do with the internet now that it's there but you figure it would be a waste if you didn't at least try searching for something. Perhaps you want to go to a friendly social networking site to help you on your way. Go ahead and check out youtube, surely there has to be something new that's been recommended to you. Or maybe facebook, perhaps someone's put up an adorable and yet hilarious video or photo of their child falling down. Or perhaps you could even go onto twitter. People are always posting links to a neverending series of blogs and videos and websites for people to enjoy. In fact I'm pretty sure a 'plumsauce10' is on there providing a link to an online novel? Could that be? And it's completely free? Wow, I'm so impressed, here's a link to it right from this blog.
So now you probably have a series of available things to look at, laugh at, cry at, throw things at and so on and so forth. It's about at this point you realise that the beaming sun outside your window has in fact disappeared completely and it is pitch black. Or you might have realised that the hot meal you had just cooked for yourself and is sitting by your computer waiting for you, is now completely stone cold. Or, if you are like me, you are now sitting in a dressing gown with a towel around your hair for a completely redundant reason because not only are you dry from the shower you swear you only just took, but your hair, which had been thoroughly washed and conditioned is also bone dry too. Which sucks because you know that you can only really have a decent chance at brushing it whilst it is wet as when it dries it just hates you and anything with bristles.
It's at this point where you are faced with the decision... either you can be sensible and do the decent thing and get on with your life and the really important things that you have to do in it, or you can go against everything that is sensible, open up your blogging site and start to write a blog on being in this state. If you chose the latter... ladies and gents you are officially in The Point of Laze.
FYI: The Point of Laze also works for the choice to tweet endlessly, look through a photo album on facebook that you uploaded three years ago... (which then leads to looking at the people you were with in those photos, wonder where they are now and then go search for them, stalking their facebook pages like a real pro), choosing to go through a particular person's youtube account's whole back log of videos... even if there are 200 to get through, going onto IMDB because you wonder what that child actor you loved is doing now or just simply typing 'monkeys falling off trees' into google.
I know you've all being dying to know what to call it. Now you do. You're welcome. And also, I only charge 50p every time you use it. It's like a copyright bargain.
Peace out my lovelies
Through all of my many moments of procrastination I have developed a rule that I have tested, observed and now feel I am ready to share with you.
This rule is simply called 'The Point of Laze.'
The Point of Laze is a place that most of you will be all too familiar with but may not realise that it is called this... mainly because I gave it that name and haven't talked about it until now. But still, we're learning, people!
So in order to explain to you what The Point of Laze is, I want you to think in your head of something that you really need to do right now. It could be a big thing like pay a bill, or little like clean your teeth (not that I want to lower the importance of teeth cleanliness, remember children 'it's always good to keep all your teeth until you're at least 35... then you can start to let go a bit'). Anywho, think of a thing... have you got it in your head? No? Well, I'll just wait a little longer for you. It's okay. I have wine...
Okay. So now that everyone's got the thing in your head, I want you to then just sit and look at your computer. Don't do anything on it, just look at it. Maybe examine the photo on your wallpaper of your dog or cat or Eric Idle or whatever it is that you kids are into these days. Perhaps you want to squint at the photo and notice that your cat/dog/Eric Idle looks a lot like your son/daughter/John Cleese when you do that. How about you then go ahead and examine the actual screen of the computer. See if you can finally get round to scraping that bit of dust/mud/crap that has been there for goodness how long.
Once you've done this, your eyes might start to wonder to that little icon at the bottom/side/middle/top of your screen. The little icon that invites you to a wonderful neverending world of completely anything you can think of... the little icon that connects you to your internet provider. (For me it's a little fox hugging the world in such a loving way that I simply cannot resist trying to get in on that love.)
Go ahead and click on it. Your home page comes up. You don't really know what you want to do with the internet now that it's there but you figure it would be a waste if you didn't at least try searching for something. Perhaps you want to go to a friendly social networking site to help you on your way. Go ahead and check out youtube, surely there has to be something new that's been recommended to you. Or maybe facebook, perhaps someone's put up an adorable and yet hilarious video or photo of their child falling down. Or perhaps you could even go onto twitter. People are always posting links to a neverending series of blogs and videos and websites for people to enjoy. In fact I'm pretty sure a 'plumsauce10' is on there providing a link to an online novel? Could that be? And it's completely free? Wow, I'm so impressed, here's a link to it right from this blog.
So now you probably have a series of available things to look at, laugh at, cry at, throw things at and so on and so forth. It's about at this point you realise that the beaming sun outside your window has in fact disappeared completely and it is pitch black. Or you might have realised that the hot meal you had just cooked for yourself and is sitting by your computer waiting for you, is now completely stone cold. Or, if you are like me, you are now sitting in a dressing gown with a towel around your hair for a completely redundant reason because not only are you dry from the shower you swear you only just took, but your hair, which had been thoroughly washed and conditioned is also bone dry too. Which sucks because you know that you can only really have a decent chance at brushing it whilst it is wet as when it dries it just hates you and anything with bristles.
It's at this point where you are faced with the decision... either you can be sensible and do the decent thing and get on with your life and the really important things that you have to do in it, or you can go against everything that is sensible, open up your blogging site and start to write a blog on being in this state. If you chose the latter... ladies and gents you are officially in The Point of Laze.
FYI: The Point of Laze also works for the choice to tweet endlessly, look through a photo album on facebook that you uploaded three years ago... (which then leads to looking at the people you were with in those photos, wonder where they are now and then go search for them, stalking their facebook pages like a real pro), choosing to go through a particular person's youtube account's whole back log of videos... even if there are 200 to get through, going onto IMDB because you wonder what that child actor you loved is doing now or just simply typing 'monkeys falling off trees' into google.
I know you've all being dying to know what to call it. Now you do. You're welcome. And also, I only charge 50p every time you use it. It's like a copyright bargain.
Peace out my lovelies
Sunday, 16 December 2012
Just in case you have a burning secret you want to tell me and shizzle
Hey peeps!
It was brought to my attention recently that I'm a little hard to contact should anyone really need to... aside from my blog, twitter, facebook fan page, my other blog and my other blog. But all of these are open for everyone to look at all the comments made and so if anyone of you beautiful chickadees fancied tellling me a secret you wouldn't be able to because there's no way.
As such, I decided that it was probably a good idea to get myself one of those new fangled electronic messaging things... I think they call them 'Shemail?'... Something like that anyway.
This process I decided to do via hotmail as it tends to be my go to place when I want to receive mail electronically. I went to fill in the form and enjoy the wonderful process that is 'trying to find an email address that hasn't been used yet on an email provider that caters for the entire world and has done since the internet was created.'
...
This was not a fun process.
I mean, it was... but for like five seconds until the fifteen thousandth email address I had tried was rejected and I was ready to throw my brand new lap top across the room in a move I was certain I would probably regret after I had done it...
Anywho, I started out with this little exercise all full of gusto and hope. Stupidly thinking that I could get away with using an email address like 'randomemailofaplum' or 'emailofaplum'. This was not the case. Instead I got the annoying little message from hotmail saying that it was not available.
So then I thought, well I can still have this awesome email address, I just need to add a complex amount of numbers after it and then things will be great. I started with the ever optimistic number 10 as this is the number on my username and so really easy to remember.
Nope.
I then went on to try a series of ridiculously long and complicated numbers that meant something to me so that I would remember it when it came to giving out said address, but that might be considered as too random for others to have used...
Obviously someone else was using the same secret number codes that I use. Not only that but they also consider themselves to be a plum who likes to be random in their thoughts and emails. I died a little inside over this as I felt my own individuality disappear through a deep and dark crevice. However, I didn't want this email provider to win in destroying my own creativeness. So I began to expand on the theme of email and plum, hoping that something would come out of it that would restore my sanity.
The options I went through (with added numbers and shizzle as well) were these:
howtocontactaplumonline
howtorandomlycontactaplumonline
aplumlikesemailssoemailme
iwanttoemailplumsauce10please
iwanttoemailarandomplumplease
and so on and so forth.
All of these not only had been taken but they had been taken enough times that adding 2785 at the end still came back as taken... I have never felt so generic...
So of course, by this point I was beginning to lose all kinds and forms of patience. Not only did I have to cotinuiously try email accounts that continued to state that I had a boring and unimaginative brain, but I also had to enter in that stupid little box code thing each time to prove that I wasn't some robot made of spam or something.
I was losing it well and truly. I was getting angry and IT WAS ALL HOTMAIL'S FAULT. As such, I decided to take it out on them by slagging them off in my new email address suggestions:
therearenouniqueemailaddressesleftanditsallhotmailsfault
iamsoboredoftypinginemailaddresssuggestions
ihatehavingtofindauniqueemailaddress
and so and so forth.
You guessed it people. All of these were already taken... I don't think I was particularly surprised by this given that I couldn't think of anyone having to go through this process and not then resorting to email addresses complaining of the frustrations involved in said email address.
I'm not ashamed to say that this was the point where I was getting frustrated to the point where there were actual tears forming in my eyes (I have had a very weird day today, my emotions aren't playing nice at all).
I wanted to scream... so I did. But of course, because I am one of those people who prefer to express my emotions internetually rather than deal with them in real life like a normal person. I resorted to typing my scream rather than actually speaking it out, (I didn't want to terrify The-Five-Year-Old).
So I wrote the following in the 'email suggestion' section:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh
Then realising that this was an email for my blog and so should have something in relation to the blog I changed it slightly:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhplum
I hit enter.
It went through.
It was accepted.
Due to this, ladies and gents, I now have a new email address that it completely unique without any numbers to prove that someone else is exactly like me... It is unique. My frustrations with the world and my choices in how to spell the sound of screaming and mixing it with a fruit is unique. Huzzah!!
So all that being said. If you would now like to contact me and have lots of secret conversations with me about secret things that may or may not then end up being published on this blog because... well... come on, you can't tell a person who writes every aspect of their every day down for the world to see, a secret and expect them to keep it... that's just ridiculous, then go ahead and write me a little something. I like getting mail.
Little tip when spelling the scream is to use 5 a's 5r's 4g's and 5h's. I would hate for you to spell it wrong and end up speaking to my doppleganger who grew up learning to spell her scream a little differently.
My new email address is:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhplum@live.co.uk
I'm working on sucking up to Younger-Brother-Daniel (who is responsible for the beautiful design you see on this blog) to get him to design the shizzle out of the email address so that it will appear down the side. Hopefully that will happen over Christmas!
Peace out my lovelies.
It was brought to my attention recently that I'm a little hard to contact should anyone really need to... aside from my blog, twitter, facebook fan page, my other blog and my other blog. But all of these are open for everyone to look at all the comments made and so if anyone of you beautiful chickadees fancied tellling me a secret you wouldn't be able to because there's no way.
As such, I decided that it was probably a good idea to get myself one of those new fangled electronic messaging things... I think they call them 'Shemail?'... Something like that anyway.
This process I decided to do via hotmail as it tends to be my go to place when I want to receive mail electronically. I went to fill in the form and enjoy the wonderful process that is 'trying to find an email address that hasn't been used yet on an email provider that caters for the entire world and has done since the internet was created.'
...
This was not a fun process.
I mean, it was... but for like five seconds until the fifteen thousandth email address I had tried was rejected and I was ready to throw my brand new lap top across the room in a move I was certain I would probably regret after I had done it...
Anywho, I started out with this little exercise all full of gusto and hope. Stupidly thinking that I could get away with using an email address like 'randomemailofaplum' or 'emailofaplum'. This was not the case. Instead I got the annoying little message from hotmail saying that it was not available.
So then I thought, well I can still have this awesome email address, I just need to add a complex amount of numbers after it and then things will be great. I started with the ever optimistic number 10 as this is the number on my username and so really easy to remember.
Nope.
I then went on to try a series of ridiculously long and complicated numbers that meant something to me so that I would remember it when it came to giving out said address, but that might be considered as too random for others to have used...
Obviously someone else was using the same secret number codes that I use. Not only that but they also consider themselves to be a plum who likes to be random in their thoughts and emails. I died a little inside over this as I felt my own individuality disappear through a deep and dark crevice. However, I didn't want this email provider to win in destroying my own creativeness. So I began to expand on the theme of email and plum, hoping that something would come out of it that would restore my sanity.
The options I went through (with added numbers and shizzle as well) were these:
howtocontactaplumonline
howtorandomlycontactaplumonline
aplumlikesemailssoemailme
iwanttoemailplumsauce10please
iwanttoemailarandomplumplease
and so on and so forth.
All of these not only had been taken but they had been taken enough times that adding 2785 at the end still came back as taken... I have never felt so generic...
So of course, by this point I was beginning to lose all kinds and forms of patience. Not only did I have to cotinuiously try email accounts that continued to state that I had a boring and unimaginative brain, but I also had to enter in that stupid little box code thing each time to prove that I wasn't some robot made of spam or something.
I was losing it well and truly. I was getting angry and IT WAS ALL HOTMAIL'S FAULT. As such, I decided to take it out on them by slagging them off in my new email address suggestions:
therearenouniqueemailaddressesleftanditsallhotmailsfault
iamsoboredoftypinginemailaddresssuggestions
ihatehavingtofindauniqueemailaddress
and so and so forth.
You guessed it people. All of these were already taken... I don't think I was particularly surprised by this given that I couldn't think of anyone having to go through this process and not then resorting to email addresses complaining of the frustrations involved in said email address.
I'm not ashamed to say that this was the point where I was getting frustrated to the point where there were actual tears forming in my eyes (I have had a very weird day today, my emotions aren't playing nice at all).
I wanted to scream... so I did. But of course, because I am one of those people who prefer to express my emotions internetually rather than deal with them in real life like a normal person. I resorted to typing my scream rather than actually speaking it out, (I didn't want to terrify The-Five-Year-Old).
So I wrote the following in the 'email suggestion' section:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh
Then realising that this was an email for my blog and so should have something in relation to the blog I changed it slightly:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhplum
I hit enter.
It went through.
It was accepted.
Due to this, ladies and gents, I now have a new email address that it completely unique without any numbers to prove that someone else is exactly like me... It is unique. My frustrations with the world and my choices in how to spell the sound of screaming and mixing it with a fruit is unique. Huzzah!!
So all that being said. If you would now like to contact me and have lots of secret conversations with me about secret things that may or may not then end up being published on this blog because... well... come on, you can't tell a person who writes every aspect of their every day down for the world to see, a secret and expect them to keep it... that's just ridiculous, then go ahead and write me a little something. I like getting mail.
Little tip when spelling the scream is to use 5 a's 5r's 4g's and 5h's. I would hate for you to spell it wrong and end up speaking to my doppleganger who grew up learning to spell her scream a little differently.
My new email address is:
aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhplum@live.co.uk
I'm working on sucking up to Younger-Brother-Daniel (who is responsible for the beautiful design you see on this blog) to get him to design the shizzle out of the email address so that it will appear down the side. Hopefully that will happen over Christmas!
Peace out my lovelies.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Saturdays rock
Saturday. The day when people get to relax and not worry about whatever stresses have been plaguing their days... Isn't it awesome?
For one day we get to not worry about whatever is going on. We get to be normal and think that the world is our oyster. We get to go through life for one day without thinking about what really matters.
It's an awesome day. It's a loop hole to all other stressors. It's the day where you get to say, "so what?" to all of the things that have been making you feel like crap.
So as such, I say enjoy today. Don't stress. Don't worry about what life is making you do. Just stop. For one blissful day. Stop and say, "yes, today I'm good, today there is nothing to worry about; Today, I don't have to feel like the world is on my shoulders. That thing that makes me feel bogged down and alone? It doesn't matter today." Today you can do anything. You can be anything. You can become all that you hoped to be. You can believe in the most ridiculous things and for some bizarre reason, it will happen. Because today is a Saturday which means that everything you dreamed will happen.
And if it doesn't? Don't worry, your life is littered with a neverending supply of Saturdays. Which means that whatever you want to happen, will happen one day. Because where would this world be without a Saturday? It would be lost. That's where. But we don't need to worry, because Saturdays will always exist forever and always.
I love Saturdays.
Saturdays mean hope.
Enjoy them.
Peace out my lovelies.
For one day we get to not worry about whatever is going on. We get to be normal and think that the world is our oyster. We get to go through life for one day without thinking about what really matters.
It's an awesome day. It's a loop hole to all other stressors. It's the day where you get to say, "so what?" to all of the things that have been making you feel like crap.
So as such, I say enjoy today. Don't stress. Don't worry about what life is making you do. Just stop. For one blissful day. Stop and say, "yes, today I'm good, today there is nothing to worry about; Today, I don't have to feel like the world is on my shoulders. That thing that makes me feel bogged down and alone? It doesn't matter today." Today you can do anything. You can be anything. You can become all that you hoped to be. You can believe in the most ridiculous things and for some bizarre reason, it will happen. Because today is a Saturday which means that everything you dreamed will happen.
And if it doesn't? Don't worry, your life is littered with a neverending supply of Saturdays. Which means that whatever you want to happen, will happen one day. Because where would this world be without a Saturday? It would be lost. That's where. But we don't need to worry, because Saturdays will always exist forever and always.
I love Saturdays.
Saturdays mean hope.
Enjoy them.
Peace out my lovelies.
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Welcome to Procrastination town: Population - Me
Sup dudes.
I've been doing this whole 'go to bed at nine and actually have a decent night sleep' thing recently. It's been grand, I have to say. With the exception of the extremely bizarre dreams that I've been having but then again, if you know me by now, you will know that I am no stranger to the bizarre dream/terrifying nightmare. (In fact, I have taken the liberty of turning one of my nightmares into a novel which I am uploading onto the internet each day a chapter at a time (shameless plug I know (here's the link)))
Tonight appears to be the exception to the early to bed rule I have been setting myself. If I'm perfectly honest, I'm not too hopeful for the actual 'bed-going' to happen any time soon given that I have needed to pee for roughly about three hours but I have been too lazy to get up and go... I'm not kidding, it feels like there is a small hefty child sitting on my bladder. But apparently the extremely uncomfortable feeling I am experiencing (almost to the point of pain) is not enough incentive for me to get up and do anything about it.
All that being said, if I am unable to perform this small insignificant task, I am not predicting that the actual 'getting-ready-for-bed' routine will be happening any time soon.
Do you know what I've been doing instead? No? Good, then I will tell you.
18:30. Watched Vampire Diaries (do not judge) on my computer
19:30. Finished off a highly mundane game I had downloaded from Bigfishgames.com
20:00. Finished off the latest chapter of my Utopia novel (link available here) for One-And-Only-Daniela to read whilst simultaneously educating Lgalaviz about the wonders of Wine Gums over twitter (apparently the Americans don't have them which I personally think is a travesty)
20:30. Looked for a new game from bigfishgames.com that I had already bought but hadn't finished for some reason or another.
20:35. Found the game I was looking for
20:37. Started to download the game
20:40. Checked the daily general maintenance checks for my blog in the overly obsessive compulsive way that I do (most of that is code talk for checking out the stats)
20:45. Got distracted and started to read posts I wrote a couple of years ago but because I have the memory of a fish, it felt as if these were brand new posts written by someone else.
20:46. Threw insults at the posts from my blog, pointing out all the bad grammar and the unlikelihood that the events described actually happened.
20:50. Started to sing along with the Von Trap family I am now living with as they sang in the living room (and thoroughly enjoyed myself in the process)
20:55. Checked the stats on my blog again
21:15. Started playing the game that had just finished downloading.
21:30. Realised that I had actually already completed this game and that doing so the first time had creeped the living daylights out of me because there were creepy ghost girls and eerie broken dummies involved.
21:31. Stopped playing the game immediately
21:35. Checked the stats on my blog again
21:55. Went onto Facebook and spent the rest of the time until when I started to write this blog (at around 23:30) getting lost in the black void that is facebook. During this time I realised one very large and very dominating fact about me and photos... I do nothing but pull stupid faces... all the time.
Want to see? No? Good, here we go:
...
I think the word you are looking for is 'special.'
Peace out my lovelies.
I've been doing this whole 'go to bed at nine and actually have a decent night sleep' thing recently. It's been grand, I have to say. With the exception of the extremely bizarre dreams that I've been having but then again, if you know me by now, you will know that I am no stranger to the bizarre dream/terrifying nightmare. (In fact, I have taken the liberty of turning one of my nightmares into a novel which I am uploading onto the internet each day a chapter at a time (shameless plug I know (here's the link)))
Tonight appears to be the exception to the early to bed rule I have been setting myself. If I'm perfectly honest, I'm not too hopeful for the actual 'bed-going' to happen any time soon given that I have needed to pee for roughly about three hours but I have been too lazy to get up and go... I'm not kidding, it feels like there is a small hefty child sitting on my bladder. But apparently the extremely uncomfortable feeling I am experiencing (almost to the point of pain) is not enough incentive for me to get up and do anything about it.
All that being said, if I am unable to perform this small insignificant task, I am not predicting that the actual 'getting-ready-for-bed' routine will be happening any time soon.
Do you know what I've been doing instead? No? Good, then I will tell you.
18:30. Watched Vampire Diaries (do not judge) on my computer
19:30. Finished off a highly mundane game I had downloaded from Bigfishgames.com
20:00. Finished off the latest chapter of my Utopia novel (link available here) for One-And-Only-Daniela to read whilst simultaneously educating Lgalaviz about the wonders of Wine Gums over twitter (apparently the Americans don't have them which I personally think is a travesty)
20:30. Looked for a new game from bigfishgames.com that I had already bought but hadn't finished for some reason or another.
20:35. Found the game I was looking for
20:37. Started to download the game
20:40. Checked the daily general maintenance checks for my blog in the overly obsessive compulsive way that I do (most of that is code talk for checking out the stats)
20:45. Got distracted and started to read posts I wrote a couple of years ago but because I have the memory of a fish, it felt as if these were brand new posts written by someone else.
20:46. Threw insults at the posts from my blog, pointing out all the bad grammar and the unlikelihood that the events described actually happened.
20:50. Started to sing along with the Von Trap family I am now living with as they sang in the living room (and thoroughly enjoyed myself in the process)
20:55. Checked the stats on my blog again
21:15. Started playing the game that had just finished downloading.
21:30. Realised that I had actually already completed this game and that doing so the first time had creeped the living daylights out of me because there were creepy ghost girls and eerie broken dummies involved.
21:31. Stopped playing the game immediately
21:35. Checked the stats on my blog again
21:55. Went onto Facebook and spent the rest of the time until when I started to write this blog (at around 23:30) getting lost in the black void that is facebook. During this time I realised one very large and very dominating fact about me and photos... I do nothing but pull stupid faces... all the time.
Want to see? No? Good, here we go:
...
I think the word you are looking for is 'special.'
Peace out my lovelies.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
I'm fund raising!
So, I may have mentioned a couple hundred times that I am planning to move to America in July 2013 for 6 months... It's all very exciting, but since making such plans I have come up with two very ominous and concrete observations:
1. Moving to America is expensive.
2. I have no money.
...
Do you guys see my predicament here? All my lovely ideas in my head are so exciting and dancing around on the fluffy clouds constantly knocking aorund in my subconscious, but then reality hits and it's like 'Woah reality, you're kind of a bitch.'
Anywho, I have come up with two sure-fire ways of getting around this tiny-if-not-slightly-crucial hiccup I have now found myself in.
1. Move to a house that doesn't drain every single part of your income so that you find yourself hanging outside the local supermarket at the end of the month in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving... (not that I've ever done that, *cough cough*)
2. Find awesome and interesting ways to raise money so that you can go to America and not end up in a new country, hanging outside a new local supermarket after the first two weeks in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving...
Number one I HAVE DONE! I have written down my tiny little list on a sheet of paper and put a massive tick next to it, adding flourishes and stars and flowers and other such embellishments in order to show how super on top of things I am by being halfway through my list... Don't believe me?
Check it out:
Number two however, takes a little more planning... I've considered just walking around with my hand out and my best puppy dog expression in order to make everyone feel super sorry for me and just give me the money but I feel that as I'm essentially asking for money so that I can go travelling people aren't going to be fooled, no matter how adorable I may look.
As such, I have come up with an awesome plan that is drawing on a very old talent of mine that I haven't used in about five years... I'm going to be productive. I'm going to be organised. I'm going to use the organisation to put together a productive thing.
Ladies and gents, I'm going to put on a talent evening.
Now before you all start simultaneously jumping up and down in excitement, clapping your hands together and screaming "Horaay for Lisa, this will be the best thing ever!" Just simmer down. (If you haven't been jumping up and down because you react to things like a normal person instead of the weird way imaginary people react in my head, then... just stay as you were) Five years ago I used to put on events like this a lot. I ran a drama and dance group and spent a lot of my time singing and performing like the little monkey that I am. However, looking at it now, I have an enormous list of barriers to break through to get to the night that I am planning...
One
I have become ridiculously and immensely lazy. Yes. You see I can't so things by halves, never have been able to. So when I decided that I was going to take a break from the "every night working until 2am to get performances ready and on time so that they are perfect and nothing less", I jumped ship and landed in the complete other side of the spectrum. As such, for the past five years, I have been the kind of girl who likes... shall we say... Non-movement. Of any kind. I am telling you, I can sit on my arse and procrastinate for days at a time. In fact, nowadays, if I'm not being paid for the work I do, then I tend to just sit and stare. Sometimes I'll put some music on. Sometimes I'll even talk on the phone to people (although this tends to be limited to Family and One-And-Only-Daniela). But mostly I just sit.
There is no coincidence in the fact that writing has to be the least active thing a person can do. The only muscle work out that my body gets is my fingers as they type... that and the occasional arm stretches as I lift my lap top from the ground to my lap and then back again, of course I only move it back again when I want to grab a light snack... (I ate an entire box of 'Go Ahead' breakfast bars last night, which I know is completely healthy because they say so on the box)
So with that being said, from what I remember of organising events like what I am planning, there is a severe lack of sitting on my arse involved and a massive increase in getting up and doing stuff. This is going to take some doing, let me tell you. And I know you might all be saying, 'but Lisa, you just said yourself that you can jump from one end of the spectrum to the other'. That's all well and good, but apparently it's a little easier to jump into the 'doing nothing' spectrum than it is to jump into the 'doing everything and never stopping ever' spectrum.
Two
The title of the night is 'Talent night.' The talents involved in said night I was once able to do. Now however, thanks to the joyous period of my life outlined in point one, are not so easy anymore. My main reason? Guys, there is something that you all need to be aware of if you are planning for a five year stint of snacking and sitting... inevitably, unless you have the metabolism of Superman (is his metabolism fast? He never seems to gain weight and the rest of him seems to be pretty quick), then you will find that wieght gain is going to be a very strong factor in your every day life.
For me, yes, that has been a large (pun!) aspect of these past five years. To say that I have gained weight would be sugar coating it, I would just say that I've got fat. And I don't mean fat in the way that most members of the female gender complain about when suddenly their size 6 skinny jeans seem a little snug, no I'm a full blown member of the hefty club nowadays. In fact, I am five seconds away from finding the closest 'Big and beautiful' clothes shop and dancing my way down the street to it whilst listening to Mika's 'Big girls, you are beautiful' song on repeat.
I'm not exactly bothered by it, I'm not at a level where my hearts in any trouble and I only get out of breath when I run... anywhere... or walk fast. But overall I've accepted my new weight. However, when I have the plan to choreograph a dance routine like the ones I used to do all those years ago that involves bending my body in interesting shapes and moving around for longer than a minute, I do fear that I may come off as slightly rusty/out of shape/special. It should be interesting to see... I will make sure that I record said event so that you can all marvel/laugh at/cringe at my attempts.
The other contributions I shall be adding talent wise involve singing and writing (in script form for some small sketches) and then the rest I'm going to turn to my lovely volunteers to come up with their own beautiful routines and other such talents!
It's going to be exciting and (I hope) not a disaster at all. I'm aiming for end of February/beginning of March for the performance to take place. Of course, if you are in the London area and would like to take part/laugh at/pay money/throw things, then do let me know and I'll be happy to add in the acts!
Wow I wrote a lot today. I'll stop now.
Peace out my lovelies.
1. Moving to America is expensive.
2. I have no money.
...
Do you guys see my predicament here? All my lovely ideas in my head are so exciting and dancing around on the fluffy clouds constantly knocking aorund in my subconscious, but then reality hits and it's like 'Woah reality, you're kind of a bitch.'
Anywho, I have come up with two sure-fire ways of getting around this tiny-if-not-slightly-crucial hiccup I have now found myself in.
1. Move to a house that doesn't drain every single part of your income so that you find yourself hanging outside the local supermarket at the end of the month in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving... (not that I've ever done that, *cough cough*)
2. Find awesome and interesting ways to raise money so that you can go to America and not end up in a new country, hanging outside a new local supermarket after the first two weeks in the shadows, waiting for someone to accidentally drop some of their groceries as they are leaving...
Number one I HAVE DONE! I have written down my tiny little list on a sheet of paper and put a massive tick next to it, adding flourishes and stars and flowers and other such embellishments in order to show how super on top of things I am by being halfway through my list... Don't believe me?
Check it out:
Number two however, takes a little more planning... I've considered just walking around with my hand out and my best puppy dog expression in order to make everyone feel super sorry for me and just give me the money but I feel that as I'm essentially asking for money so that I can go travelling people aren't going to be fooled, no matter how adorable I may look.
As such, I have come up with an awesome plan that is drawing on a very old talent of mine that I haven't used in about five years... I'm going to be productive. I'm going to be organised. I'm going to use the organisation to put together a productive thing.
Ladies and gents, I'm going to put on a talent evening.
Now before you all start simultaneously jumping up and down in excitement, clapping your hands together and screaming "Horaay for Lisa, this will be the best thing ever!" Just simmer down. (If you haven't been jumping up and down because you react to things like a normal person instead of the weird way imaginary people react in my head, then... just stay as you were) Five years ago I used to put on events like this a lot. I ran a drama and dance group and spent a lot of my time singing and performing like the little monkey that I am. However, looking at it now, I have an enormous list of barriers to break through to get to the night that I am planning...
One
I have become ridiculously and immensely lazy. Yes. You see I can't so things by halves, never have been able to. So when I decided that I was going to take a break from the "every night working until 2am to get performances ready and on time so that they are perfect and nothing less", I jumped ship and landed in the complete other side of the spectrum. As such, for the past five years, I have been the kind of girl who likes... shall we say... Non-movement. Of any kind. I am telling you, I can sit on my arse and procrastinate for days at a time. In fact, nowadays, if I'm not being paid for the work I do, then I tend to just sit and stare. Sometimes I'll put some music on. Sometimes I'll even talk on the phone to people (although this tends to be limited to Family and One-And-Only-Daniela). But mostly I just sit.
There is no coincidence in the fact that writing has to be the least active thing a person can do. The only muscle work out that my body gets is my fingers as they type... that and the occasional arm stretches as I lift my lap top from the ground to my lap and then back again, of course I only move it back again when I want to grab a light snack... (I ate an entire box of 'Go Ahead' breakfast bars last night, which I know is completely healthy because they say so on the box)
So with that being said, from what I remember of organising events like what I am planning, there is a severe lack of sitting on my arse involved and a massive increase in getting up and doing stuff. This is going to take some doing, let me tell you. And I know you might all be saying, 'but Lisa, you just said yourself that you can jump from one end of the spectrum to the other'. That's all well and good, but apparently it's a little easier to jump into the 'doing nothing' spectrum than it is to jump into the 'doing everything and never stopping ever' spectrum.
Two
The title of the night is 'Talent night.' The talents involved in said night I was once able to do. Now however, thanks to the joyous period of my life outlined in point one, are not so easy anymore. My main reason? Guys, there is something that you all need to be aware of if you are planning for a five year stint of snacking and sitting... inevitably, unless you have the metabolism of Superman (is his metabolism fast? He never seems to gain weight and the rest of him seems to be pretty quick), then you will find that wieght gain is going to be a very strong factor in your every day life.
For me, yes, that has been a large (pun!) aspect of these past five years. To say that I have gained weight would be sugar coating it, I would just say that I've got fat. And I don't mean fat in the way that most members of the female gender complain about when suddenly their size 6 skinny jeans seem a little snug, no I'm a full blown member of the hefty club nowadays. In fact, I am five seconds away from finding the closest 'Big and beautiful' clothes shop and dancing my way down the street to it whilst listening to Mika's 'Big girls, you are beautiful' song on repeat.
I'm not exactly bothered by it, I'm not at a level where my hearts in any trouble and I only get out of breath when I run... anywhere... or walk fast. But overall I've accepted my new weight. However, when I have the plan to choreograph a dance routine like the ones I used to do all those years ago that involves bending my body in interesting shapes and moving around for longer than a minute, I do fear that I may come off as slightly rusty/out of shape/special. It should be interesting to see... I will make sure that I record said event so that you can all marvel/laugh at/cringe at my attempts.
The other contributions I shall be adding talent wise involve singing and writing (in script form for some small sketches) and then the rest I'm going to turn to my lovely volunteers to come up with their own beautiful routines and other such talents!
It's going to be exciting and (I hope) not a disaster at all. I'm aiming for end of February/beginning of March for the performance to take place. Of course, if you are in the London area and would like to take part/laugh at/pay money/throw things, then do let me know and I'll be happy to add in the acts!
Wow I wrote a lot today. I'll stop now.
Peace out my lovelies.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Nothing like a bit of awkwardness to start your week
Line-Manager-Monica has been publicising my blog today. This is nice and I'm all for a bit of publicising as I do like people reading my wierdness and all that jazz.
However, I have a limit to how far someone can talk positively about me until I have to start counter-acting against them. Today my limit was reached.
You see, Line-Manager-Monica was talking with some people I work with as I was quietly sitting there playing my new 'I-have-to-be-obsessed-with-some-form-of-game-so-I've-chosen-this-one' game. At the moment it is 'The Simpson's Tapped Out' ... seriously, if you guys aren't playing it yet then do so. It's a free app game and is available on all your apple goods. I think it's also available for other android phones but my friend the other day was having trouble downloading it on his so I'm not too sure... Anywho. There I was, tapping away on my own self-built Springfield when one of the guys who was with me asked what I was doing.
I excitedly started in on my advertisment for the game whilst thinking to myself that Matt Groening should totally hire me as his publicist because I am totally winning in getting people to play the game. I had them all enthralled completely, they were hooked and wanted to know more, so I kept on going. All the while, Line-Manager-Monica sat there next to me and let me go on and on. After I had finished she turned to the two guys and simply said:
"One thing you need to know about Lisa is that she gets excited about pretty much anything. I won't even start talking about what she's like when a new shipment of stationary comes in." (best day in the office)
I simply shrugged outwardly, trying my hardest not to prove Line-Manager-Monica right, whilst inwardly I was dancing about and saying to myself I totally wrote about this just the other day! I have no filter for my excitement at all! How exciting that someone else has noticed that!
Anywho, Line-Manager-Monica then went on to publicise my blog to these two unsuspecting colleagues of ours. She said that my posts just proved how excited I get and that if they read it they would 'be on the floor, laughing.'
I stopped being excited at this point and a large level of dread fell on me. Suddenly there was all this pressure to be funny. What if my colleagues went on this blog thinking 'Hey, hey, I'm ready to laugh and wet myself and then have to stitch up my side due to all the splitting it will be doing' and then they get to it, read a bit and then just fall into an abyss of depression as they realised that I wasn't as funny as they thought and actually now they didn't get the laugh they were expecting so they just start to cry instead????!!!!
I wanted to say something along the lines of "actually I'm not that funny, chances are you will be bored stiff reading it and just want to jump off a cliff afterwards." But then I realised that this isn't a good way of publicising one's writing which is what I am really trying to get better at doing.
So I then thought of maybe still publicising it a little but downplaying Line-Manager-Monica's comments by saying something along the lines of "You may laugh, but the likelihood of laughter is really minimal so don't be too disappointed if you don't." However, that then opened me up to look like I was fishing for a compliment which I hate.
So after going through all this in my mind, I resorted to my default position whenever I receive a compliment of any kind... I start mumbling incoherent words under my breath and my body went into shut down mode. For those of you who are confused on what shut down mode looks like... it basically is me but hunched over, facing the floor and busying my hands with anything it can find (lucky for me, The Simpsons was still open on my phone). I stayed this way until the conversation had changed topic. Once it had, I rebooted again and straightened my back, engaging into eye contact once more.
After typing all of this, I realise that this now looks like one massive fish for a compliment. Please do not see it that way. In fact, if anyone dares say anything nice in the comment box I will send you a virtual slap. Only nasty insults and general slagging off allowed today please. Actually, if you don't make me cry then you don't win today. Sorry.
So that's it for today methinks. Except to say that my online novel is still going on, on my creative writing page. There are nine chapters uploaded now, with a new chapter uploaded each day. It's about the end of the world, so if you weren't depressed by reading this... go ahead and check it out.
Peace out my lovelies.
However, I have a limit to how far someone can talk positively about me until I have to start counter-acting against them. Today my limit was reached.
You see, Line-Manager-Monica was talking with some people I work with as I was quietly sitting there playing my new 'I-have-to-be-obsessed-with-some-form-of-game-so-I've-chosen-this-one' game. At the moment it is 'The Simpson's Tapped Out' ... seriously, if you guys aren't playing it yet then do so. It's a free app game and is available on all your apple goods. I think it's also available for other android phones but my friend the other day was having trouble downloading it on his so I'm not too sure... Anywho. There I was, tapping away on my own self-built Springfield when one of the guys who was with me asked what I was doing.
I excitedly started in on my advertisment for the game whilst thinking to myself that Matt Groening should totally hire me as his publicist because I am totally winning in getting people to play the game. I had them all enthralled completely, they were hooked and wanted to know more, so I kept on going. All the while, Line-Manager-Monica sat there next to me and let me go on and on. After I had finished she turned to the two guys and simply said:
"One thing you need to know about Lisa is that she gets excited about pretty much anything. I won't even start talking about what she's like when a new shipment of stationary comes in." (best day in the office)
I simply shrugged outwardly, trying my hardest not to prove Line-Manager-Monica right, whilst inwardly I was dancing about and saying to myself I totally wrote about this just the other day! I have no filter for my excitement at all! How exciting that someone else has noticed that!
Anywho, Line-Manager-Monica then went on to publicise my blog to these two unsuspecting colleagues of ours. She said that my posts just proved how excited I get and that if they read it they would 'be on the floor, laughing.'
I stopped being excited at this point and a large level of dread fell on me. Suddenly there was all this pressure to be funny. What if my colleagues went on this blog thinking 'Hey, hey, I'm ready to laugh and wet myself and then have to stitch up my side due to all the splitting it will be doing' and then they get to it, read a bit and then just fall into an abyss of depression as they realised that I wasn't as funny as they thought and actually now they didn't get the laugh they were expecting so they just start to cry instead????!!!!
I wanted to say something along the lines of "actually I'm not that funny, chances are you will be bored stiff reading it and just want to jump off a cliff afterwards." But then I realised that this isn't a good way of publicising one's writing which is what I am really trying to get better at doing.
So I then thought of maybe still publicising it a little but downplaying Line-Manager-Monica's comments by saying something along the lines of "You may laugh, but the likelihood of laughter is really minimal so don't be too disappointed if you don't." However, that then opened me up to look like I was fishing for a compliment which I hate.
So after going through all this in my mind, I resorted to my default position whenever I receive a compliment of any kind... I start mumbling incoherent words under my breath and my body went into shut down mode. For those of you who are confused on what shut down mode looks like... it basically is me but hunched over, facing the floor and busying my hands with anything it can find (lucky for me, The Simpsons was still open on my phone). I stayed this way until the conversation had changed topic. Once it had, I rebooted again and straightened my back, engaging into eye contact once more.
After typing all of this, I realise that this now looks like one massive fish for a compliment. Please do not see it that way. In fact, if anyone dares say anything nice in the comment box I will send you a virtual slap. Only nasty insults and general slagging off allowed today please. Actually, if you don't make me cry then you don't win today. Sorry.
So that's it for today methinks. Except to say that my online novel is still going on, on my creative writing page. There are nine chapters uploaded now, with a new chapter uploaded each day. It's about the end of the world, so if you weren't depressed by reading this... go ahead and check it out.
Peace out my lovelies.
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