For the record, I'd make a rubbish witness of murder. I'm far too lazy and sleepy to check if the kids dead.

I'm currently laying in bed and listening to two 12 year old boys have an argument outside my house.

My favourite comment so far has to be:

Boy A: When I said "Your mum" I wasn't actually talking about your mum, it's just something people say. I could have gone on to say "Your mum is a lovely person" or "Your mum is the best" so you shouldn't have told her I said that. You need to go back to her and apologise and say I didn't mean it like that.

Then there's been

Boy A: You can't beat me up, I'm taller than you!!

And

Boy A: This is child abuse you retard!

Unfortunately Boy B spoke too quietly for me to hear what I'm sure were his amazingly witty comebacks but I'm pretty sure that argument just made my day.

Okay now I just heard "Come on then" followed by a grunt, a crash and the sound of an ambulance speeding by... I'm like 99% sure they're unrelated but even so... Should I check?

No, we're good. Boy A just called out "Come on Charlie, let's play Black Ops" and Boy B (AKA Charlie) mumbled something incoherent back. It sounded like it was in a fairly chipper tone. I'm just hoping that wasn't Boy A's highly elaborate plan when he spotted my open window and wanted to ensure that his cover was tight...

Ah well, I guess we'll never know.

Peace out my lovelies.