It's a little unnerving when you make me look like a perv without my permission.

Dear couple groping each other on the train this morning,

Please don't read this and assume I'm a bitter spinster. I'm really not. I love love, I think it's awesome. The idea that two people can find the person they like more than any other person blows my mind and will always make me cry when watched in movie form. 

That being said... This morning was a little uncalled for don't you think? It was 8:15am for crying out loud, I hadn't even had breakfast. 

I get that you two both dig each other and are totally attracted to the other's body, but seriously? I mean I could actually hear the sloppy sound of saliva mixing and I've got to admit... I gagged a little. 

Okay, so I understand the train was packed and you two had no choice but to get as close to each other as you were, but was the incessant touching and stroking necessary? I managed to stay pressed up against the 50 year old business man next to me and keep my hands to myself. 

Maybe your attraction to each other really is that strong that one touch of the other sends you into a frenzy, but if that is the case, might I suggest travelling on the train when it isn't rush hour and you might have more of a chance of getting a seat each?

I hate to be a pain about this, it's just this morning I was wedged facing you and I had no choice but to watch the live soft porn show you were putting on. This made me just a little uncomfortable and has left images and sounds in my brain that I fear may haunt me for years to come. 

I would be most grateful if perhaps you could keep your undeniable desire for each other to a place that doesn't mean you're sharing your special moment with 50 or so other unconsenting adults. 

Thanks, I appreciate it. 

Yours (appropriately) lovingly

Lisa xx